Dear Orchestrator Auntie,
Thank you for being a fan!
You have “family” that expect, and maybe even take for granted you are the one who extends herself, visits, and attends celebrations. When one person contributes more than 50 percent to a relationship, at some point they expect they will be repaid…it’s only fair! Sadly, that is not how it usually works. Instead, the recipients expect it to continue. You are changing the “contract.” In order to do this you must either have a heart-to-heart talk with them (they are old enough to have this conversation) or change your behavior. By not extending yourself as you have in the past, hopefully they will fill the vacuum. I prefer the first option.
Keep in mind they are forging their own lives, spreading their wings, and experiencing their independence. This can be a full-time job. Be patient and understanding and ask about their lives, the pluses and minuses.
Perhaps, you are also experiencing caregiver burnout tending your mother and are in more need of attention, TLC, and support…ask for it directly. I suggest that you try to keep it light by setting up a belated birthday or half birthday celebration as it is never too late, and they have, somewhere inside of them, the nurturance you gave them when they were young.
Best of Luck,
Natalie Robinson Garfield
www.TheSenseConnection.wordpress.com
Published: July 12, 2011
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