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Dear Savvy Auntie,

I am 27 years old and an aunt to a niece and nephew.

I currently live with my parents. My sister and brother-in-law live two miles away. I see the kids usually three times a week and I love being an aunt and spending time with them and I feel I do more so then other people I know that are my age with nieces and nephews.

My family often makes me feel like my life revolves around them and guilty for having an active social life. My niece turns four this Sunday and I will be in attendance for her big day. I received short notice today that there will be a family dinner celebration Saturday as well. When I explained I had plans and could not make it and as a result i was made to feel like I was being a horrible aunt because I couldn't give up my social plans for her dinner.

I feel like as much as much as i am involved in my niece and nephews lives I will never meet my sister's expectations. Am I a bad aunt?

Bad Aunt?

Dear Bad Aunt?,

No! You are a devoted and attentive aunt who has ‘trained’ your family to expect you are on call 24/7.

You need to ‘re-train’ them by sharing your schedule with them as to when you are available. Plans can then be made in advance.

This is a common pitfall of unmarried aunts living in their parents' house. We receive many letters similar to yours and how good an aunt you are is based on how your nieces and nephews feel about you and your own self esteem.

I suggest you send balloons or cupcakes to the family dinner saying you are sorry to miss the celebration and Happy Birthday!

Good Luck,
Natalie Robinson Garfield
www.TheSenseConnection.wordpress.com

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2 Comments

BODphila said at 4:14 pm on Mar 13 2013

Please honor yourself and keep your plans. I wish I could say it gets better (my nieces and nephews are all over 20!!!) but it just changes. Parents who make you feel guilty will always find a reason. I don't know why they don't understand that their behavior makes us want to spend less time with them. Next thing you know they will be nagging you to have kids. AuntieBecca is right: having your own life makes you the cool aunt. Seems like my nephews and nieces understood way before my parents, etc. Here's an interesting "test" question: How often does your family come to your house vs. you going to theirs? PS- Make sure you want children; don't let anyone guilt you into that.
AuntieBecca said at 2:58 pm on Mar 13 2013

You are spending way more time than most people ever spend with their nieces or nephews. Honestly, I hardly ever saw my aunts or uncles except one uncle. And they acted like I wasn't important to them. I promised myself I wouldn't be like that. But I still don't do everything with my niece. My sister has her life. And most importantly, I have to have my own life. If you spent your whole life doing everything for them, what happens when they are teenagers? They may love you but they will also begin to have their own life. So enjoy your life. You'll be there for her day. You don't have to be at every single event. I think when they are older they will enjoy their time with you but they will also respect their aunt for having her own life (and will probably think its pretty cool). I would say you are setting a good example for them. You are balancing family vs. your own life very well. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this! Well I know that's hard. But try not to :-)

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