Dear Savvy Auntie,
When I was 15, my sister met Eric, my oldest nephew's dad and my nephew A was born soon after. They visited us when A was around 6 months old. I later found out that my sister and her now ex-husband were getting divorced and I didn't see my nephew again until he was around a year and a half.
I saw him again in 2008 on a trip to their state just before his half sister, H, was born. Since then, I've Skyped A and even called him a handful of times but that all stopped when I found out that my sister was pregnant for a third time with my second nephew who’s a year old now and currently resides in a foster/adopt home. I haven't seen him in person since I saw him in the NICU the day he was born and that keeps reminding me of my situation with A as far as not seeing him.
My sister is no longer able to care for her kids at the moment. Her youngest will be adopted out soon, H has been with my mom, the other grandma's, and my care since she was 4-6 weeks old. A, now 7, lives with his dad, in another state.
It's made it really hard to want to stay in contact with my A even more than it was before J, my 2nd nephew, was born. And now I could possibly have a chance at seeing A after contacting him or his dad. I don't want to not see A and hurt him but I also don't want to see him just because I don't know if I'm emotionally ready to see him given what I've gone through with J, dealing with CPS, my mom's problems, and my sister's problems as well.
I'm in a win/lose situation. I miss A and J so much. Not seeing A would kill me inside but then seeing him knowing that I most likely wouldn't be calling him anytime soon resulting in him being hurt would kill me inside too. I've always thought about the kids needs over my own. I can't think of a solution that wouldn't hurt him and I both.