By Stephanie Licata

When people ask me this fateful question, I have started to answer it the way I did in the title of my article.
 
Though not a wife, mother, or biological aunt and in my mid-thirties, I have made a career of mentoring young people.
 
I had the unique opportunity to deliver service and leadership learning at an all girls’ high school for 10 years. During this time I traveled the country with my students doing service work, served the homeless on the streets of New York City, volunteered with the elderly and special needs community, and mentored hundreds of teen leaders.
 
People often say that you cannot see the fruit of your labor in the moment. For me, this was almost never the case. Not only was I given the profound privilege of serving those in need, but I watched young people develop empathy, character, and integrity right before my eyes.
 
Many of my students would go on to lead and serve in their universities and in the professional world and often kept in touch with me.
 
Your words create your world.
 
Alexa, a student of mine, was my right hand, and I was her mentor. We managed large and small school events, fundraisers, and even coordinated a trip to New Orleans to do service work in the 9th ward. I distinctly remember one day when Alexa was about 16. The bell sounded and she was off to her next class. As she was running out of my office, I said, “You know, we are going to run an organization together someday.” She nodded her head and said, “I know.”
 
In November of 2012, our school lost our 41 year old vice-principal to cancer. She was well-loved, and the heart of the school community to thousands of people. Charged with coordinating a memorial service, I asked Alexa, now in her 20s, to come resume her former role for the event.
 
We got together a few weeks after the memorial service and began to catch up. I shared with her how I was starting an organization called Get Smart Mentoring, to bring leadership and emotional development programs and services to schools, communities, and organizations.
 
Alexa was ignited, and became my co-founder. We started building and planning from there, and it is truly an incredible journey that is still unfolding. Our mentoring relationship has survived a span of years and developmental stages, and we seek to reach out to young women, inspiring them to be authentic compassionate leaders.
 
We recently started mentoring 7th and 8th grade girls at a grammar school in Jersey City, NJ, and we are grateful for the opportunity to make a difference for these young women.
 
Why mentoring?
 
There is not one young person on this planet that couldn’t use an extra person believing in them. We spend an awful lot of time educating kids’ minds, but far too little time is spent developing their character and hearts at a time when it is essential to their development.
 
In the words of Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed:

What matters most in a child’s development, they say, is not how much information we can stuff into her brain in the first few years. What matters, instead, is whether we are able to help her develop a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence.
 
If I am blessed to be a mother someday, I will teach my child from the same passion and enthusiasm that I mentor with. Women mother by their love, not whether they have a minivan or not. We must nurture the children of the world regardless of our marital status or how many dependents we can claim on our tax returns.
 
Do I have kids? YES! I do! I even have ones I do not know about! I will meet them in future programs, speaking engagements, at schools and organizations. I will leave them with the exquisite knowledge that they matter, that their ability to make a difference is infinite. I am grateful.
 
Stephanie Licata, ACC is an NYU and ICF professional certified coach. She is currently completing an MA in Social & Organizational Psychology at Columbia University. Along with being a coach for kids and adults, she is a seasoned speaker, small business consultant, and the Executive Director of Get Smart Mentoring. She is grateful for the many young people who have ignited and inspired her ever-evolving career.

Photo: stockimages
Published: October 29, 2013