By Leslie Lenau

It was a beautiful spring day, and I must have been around six years old. I remember the sliding glass door that led out to our deck was open, and a warm breeze blew through it. I had had a pretty good day that day, playing with my siblings, coloring, and doing all the things I liked to do as a kid. Life was good.

That afternoon, my Mom asked me to sit down at the kitchen table. I wasn't sure why. I remember wracking my brain, trying to think if I had done something wrong - did I break something? Did I say something mean and not remember? What she told me was not what I had expected: I was not able to have children. I remember being a little sad at first - Why me? But my mother quickly told me that I could adopt, and still be a mother, just in a different way.

Let me stop here and say this: I know that some people would argue that my mother should not have told me when I was so little. And maybe those people are right. However, I am very glad that my Mom told me when she did, and told me the way that she did. Because I was able to realize very early in life that there is more than one way to become a mother.

Cut to 18 years later. My older sister had just gotten married a few months earlier. It was my Mom's birthday - unfortunately, it was also the day of my Aunt's funeral. We decided to have a small gathering at my house for my Mom's birthday. My sister and brother-in-law came, and we started giving gifts. When my Mom opened my sister's, my sister gave her a hug and she immediately started crying. For a moment, I was confused - why was my Mom sobbing? It was only a CD, for crying out loud! Then my sister said, “Did you hear what I said? You're gonna be a Grandma!” Then it hit me: I was going to be an AUNT! I grabbed my sister and hugged her tight. I was SO excited!! I could hardly wait to meet the new addition to our family.

And the day that changed my life: Aunthood

Nine months later, my beautiful niece was born. It was so fun to be there when she was born! At the time, my sister literally lived around the corner from my family and I, so we got to see the baby a lot, and babysit when my sister went to work. I was able to make such great memories with my niece, and as my sister had more children, my heart grew bigger and I was able to make even more wonderful memories with these beautiful children. I feel that I have helped raise my nieces and nephews, and that has been such an amazing journey, and one I would not trade for the world.

A few years after my first niece was born, I met my current boyfriend. I remember telling him on our second date that I couldn't have children. I wasn't planning on telling him so soon. But that night he asked me, “So, is there anything you haven't told me that I should know?” So, I decided in that moment to tell him the truth. He asked me a few questions about it, and we continued on with our conversation. Since that night, he has been amazing. He has never judged me or made me feel like less of a woman. We talk about adopting one day, if we are able to, financially. However, I do have my moments where I feel guilty. I know that I cannot give him a biological child, and sometimes I feel guilty that I will never be able to give him that gift. However, I know that he loves me despite this, and it makes me love him even more.

My boyfriend and I have talked a lot about getting married. I cannot wait to include my nieces and nephews, as well as his nieces and nephews. We want to have a special dance with just them. And we've decided when we do move in together, we'll have an extra bedroom so that all the kids can come stay with us whenever they want to. We also spend as much time with them as we can - we take them to the movies, to get ice cream, and play with them; all the fun things parents do with their kids.

Am I sad that I cannot have children? Yes. I would be lying if I said otherwise. But being an Aunt has opened my eyes and made me realize that while I may not be their biological mother, I am a mother figure. I go to their games and events. I help them with homework. I take them out for ice cream. I comfort them when they cry. I rejoice in their accomplishments

It is true that there is more than one way to mother, and I am living proof.

Published: November 12, 104
Photo: Leslie Lenau