By Karen Malone Wright, founder The NotMom

Editor's Note: Karen Malone Wright, a friend of Savvy Auntie - and mine - shared these tips and gave me permission to share them with you. While these tips, and the additional links below this article from Common Sense Media and Dr Tara Cousineau, founder BodiMojo.com will help you talk about the new to children of all ages, make sure their parents are OK with your talking about the issues with nieces and nephews and follow their lead on what and how they talk about the news.

Karen Malone Wright is the founder of The NotMom, a platform that spotlights the unique perspectives and legacies of women without children regardless of cause - by choice or by chance. “NotMom” describes women who have never delivered a baby and may also resonate with women who have never given birth but care for stepchildren, relatives, adopted or foster children, as well as women whose only child has died. - Melanie Notkin


December 2012 seems fairly long ago. As The NotMom was celebrating its first holiday season, a lunatic armed with guns murdered 26 first-graders and adults in Newtown, CT. By 2016, a documentary on the horror was ready for Sundance and general release. But after the events in Orlando, FL on June 12, I don’t know who is up for seeing it.

The targets this time were grown-ups. As I write this, 50 of them are dead; another 53 are wounded. Gay and straight grown-ups enjoying a Saturday night during Pride 2016. Another irony, this shooter chose the same AR-15 rifle used in Newtown, and also in San Bernardino. Seriously.
 
If you’re actively involved with nieces, nephews, godchildren, stepchildren, neighbors’ kids and Other People’s Children (OPC), especially little ones, consider being prepared just in case you’re surprised with hard questions face-to-face.

Why did those people get shot?
Why didn’t the shooter like them?
What does ‘gay’ mean?
Will a shooter get me?

If you can answer those for yourself, you’re on the road to crafting a response for your younger questioner. The first step, I figure, is to turn off 24/7 news coverage.

Here’s the thing: headlines about same-sex marriage, Caitlyn Jenner and so much more have already put LGBT people on children’s radar. Doubt it at your peril. In many, many neighborhoods, there are kids who know someone who identifies LGBTQ. It may be a friend, someone’s son or daughter, aunt or uncle, parent or grandparent. [Ed note: Or you, their Savvy Auntie.] That part of the conversation may not be as difficult as you think. The National Mental Health Association offers "What Does Gay Mean," a handbook to help you to get started.

For those children who are concerned about their own safety, in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook school shooting, Dr. Louis Kraus, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, recommending saying: ”What is most important is that you’re safe and you’re going to be safe.” And Dr. David Fassler, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Burlington, VT advised to: “Acknowledge and validate the child’s thoughts, feelings and reactions. Let them know that you think their questions and concerns are important and appropriate.”

Perhaps the most enduring tips about talking to kids when the news is scary come from the late children’s TV icon, Mr. Rogers. His suggestions are so classic and clearly explained, that they’re still online at his website and PBS.org, too:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.“

And if you do find yourself explaining the unexplainable to a child, pour two glasses of your favorite beverage and have a debriefing session with her or his mom or dad. Be sure to give her or him a hug, too.

(Adapted from Original Post 12.18.12)

Additional Tips and Resources:

10 Ways to Help Teens Cope with Tragic News

How to Talk About the News with Nieces and Nephews

Teaching Kids Media Smarts During Breaking News


Photo: HighwayStarz
Published: June 13, 2016