Guest Expert Nancy Berk, Ph.D. is the author of College Bound and Gagged: How To Help Your Kid Get Into A Great College Without Losing Your Savings, Your Relationship, or Your Mind. She speaks and writes extensively about surviving the college-bound process. A clinical psychologist, comic, professor, and parent, she is a blogger for The Huffington Post, USA TODAY College and MORE Magazine. Nancy is the mom of one college graduate and one college freshman—both believe their aunt is much cooler.


If you’re the auntie of a college-bound high school junior or senior, you’ve probably been drowning in higher education chatter. Yes, the college-bound journey is a family affair and somewhere along the line, without even realizing it, you joined that ride. It’s an exciting milestone, but until the acceptance letter is in hand, many families are on edge and need to be talked down off the ledge. Guess what? That’s your job if you wish to accept it. Here are 5 tips that’ll move you toward being the favorite relative all the way around.

1. Be the calming influence.
Chances are, anxiety is flying high and parents and teens are butting heads over preparation, procrastination, deadlines, and decisions. Many are sweating the SAT or ACT and news programs everywhere can’t wait to proclaim that National Merit Scholars couldn’t get into their safety schools. Be the voice of reason. Remind your siblings and their children that there are plenty of great schools. Believing that there is only one perfect college fit is a recipe for disaster.

2. Be a connector.
From products to people, use your creativity and experience to help your nephew or niece prepare for the college process. Find unique methods to help them study for standardized tests. From iPhone apps to CDs, you’ll be the favorite if you find the method that decreases whining and increases practice. (Actually this could be the entrepreneurial venture that allows you to quit your day job! Parents everywhere would pay!) Identify friends or their children with specific college or career insights that might help your niece or nephew narrow down their college selections. Or spend an evening at the computer taking a virtual tour of colleges together.

3. Be a proofreader.
If you’ve ever been in a remedial spelling class, skip this suggestion. Otherwise, offer to take a glance at their essays and provide constructive comments. Do not write the essay. That’s plagiarism and college admissions offices are quite savvy at detecting the difference between original teen-generated essays and essays written by relatives or hired guns.

4. Coordinate a college visit.
Let’s face it, in the eyes of nieces and nephews, you are much cooler than their parents. This means a college road trip could be educational AND fun. Consider a tour of your alma mater. Hang out in the student union. Share a few crazy tales. Then enjoy the disbelief on your sibling’s face when you mention there wasn’t one teen eye roll or tantrum during the entire trip.

5. Be different from everyone else—don’t mention the word “college.”
Teens can’t turn a corner without someone uttering the popular phrase “Where’d you apply?” followed up with the “Have you heard yet?” Every now and then, find another line of conversation and you’ll cement the Savvy Auntie bond forever.

Published March 3, 2012