We've Been Giving Praise All Wrong
Written By Savvy Auntie Staff Writers
By Katelyn Fry
Published: October 5, 2017
As aunts, we want to seize every opportunity we can to make our nieces and nephews feel good about themselves. But as it turns out, we may be creating the opposite effect. According to new research conducted by the University of Amsterdam, certain forms of encouragement may actually hurt kids’ self-esteem instead of build it.
Studies have found that kids begin developing a sense of self and self-worth as early as their toddler years. According to researcher Eddie Brummelman, their self-awareness is based on “the social relationships they have, the feedback they receive, the social comparisons they make, and the cultural values they endorse.”
So, while we naturally want to give kids ample amounts of positive feedback, Brummelman’s research shows that we need to be careful when doing so. If we constantly give kids “extremely positive, inflated praise,” they may “worry about falling short of the standards set for them,” and ultimately be left with lower self-esteem.
Brummelman suggests that instead, we try helping our nieces and nephews develop a more realistic and healthy growth mindset that encourages them to “take on challenges, persist when the going gets tough, and see failures as opportunities for growth.”
The next time your niece or nephew accomplishes something, be aware of how you acknowledge it. Instead of focusing on the achievement itself, applaud them for the effort it took to make it happen. Say things like: “All that hard work and practice really paid off!” If we praise kids’ hard work instead of only praising the kids themselves, we can help them overcome the fear of failure as well as develop a stronger sense of self-confidence.
Citation: University of Amsterdam. "Self-esteem in kids: Lavish praise is not the answer, warmth is." ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170928085101.htm (accessed October 5, 2017).
Photo: Langstrup Photography