Step Up Aunties! It's National Step Family Day
By Lisa Graystone
National Step Family Day is September 16, 2014
Step or blended families are a cultural commonality in the United States with 1-in-3 Americans living as part of a step or blended family. It has also been reported that more than 50% of Americans will live as part of a step family at some point in their lives.
Based on personal experience, I can attest that being a step-parent is a really tough job and is harder than parenting your biological children by far. In the last eight years, I have been stepped over, stepped on, stepped around, and have felt like I have literally “stepped in it.” A lack of support makes this road a lot rockier and that is where the Savvy Auntie steps in to act as a stepping stone, of sorts, between children and parents, as well as her new role as Step-Auntie.
To me, the role of any aunt is to be there for her nieces and nephews in a supportive role. She is a hybrid of mother and friend who is there to guide, offer advice and support as well as teach, listen, and laugh. An auntie as part of a blended family can also act as a bridge between step-parent and her nieces and nephews. As a biological part of the child’s and teen’s family, you are an anchor to their past and their bio-family, as well as a support for their new one. If you are a Step-Auntie, your job is to embrace your new nieces and nephews in the same manner you would as biological members of your family, one step at a time.
My advice to Stepping-Stone-Aunties:
Stay Parent-Neutral: The best interest of your niece and nephew is the priority, not choosing sides of whatever parent you are closer to by birth. Keep all comments neutral and say nothing negative or derogatory against any parent involved. This will only isolate the child and hurt them; remember they are 50% of each parent. Act as a buffer for any parental disparaging remarks. I have experienced firsthand the devastation that bad-mouthing can do to a child, their self-esteem, concept and worth. My husband and I are still the topic of such remarks but it is his children that are the real victims.
Be Relationship Cheerleader: Be your niece’s or nephew’s relationship cheerleader. Cheer them on as they build healthy and loving relationships with both biological parents and step-parents. There may be pressure put on the children by one or more parties in an attempt to isolate them from the other parent and/or step-parent. Encourage time spent with each parent and assure them that it is healthy and okay to love their father/mother and step-father/mother. As Auntie, you are able to step in as a neutral party that the child loves and trusts. If the situation permits, lead by example and also have a cordial, mature relationship with the step-parent. The same is true for the step-auntie: supporting the children’s relationships with all parents is vital.
Be All Ears: Be available to listen. So often we all listen to respond instead of listening to understand. The best service you can do for your niece or nephew is take the time to listen and be available for them should they need to talk about anything regarding their blended family, or life with mom or dad. I’m sure it is such a comfort for them to have someone to turn to that is neutral and non-judgmental. They also need to feel important and feel “heard.” In a busy blended family, sometimes a child can feel lost in the shuffle, but a Savvy Auntie can step up and let them know that they matter as do their opinions and feelings. You don’t have to have all the answers, but showing your nieces and nephews the respect of undivided attention and understanding will go a long way.
Blended families come in all shapes and sizes. I have been a part of one since 2006 and I can honestly say it is only now getting to be a little bit easier because the children are getting older and are able to see the truth. Parenting or being able to Auntie Up through action rather than just words has made the biggest impact. In the role of Step-Auntie, my sister has been amazing at welcoming my step-children into our family and treating them as she would her biological niece and nephew. Sadly because of geography she is not close, but when she visits we have a great time and she is a great friend to them. No matter what, love is one thing that should never be in short supply to children regardless of the source. Like any transition or time in life we should all take it one step at a time.
Lisa Graystone is a writer & fashion entrepreneur. For updates on Lisa, follow her on Twitter: @EvolutionVtg
Published: September 16, 2014