By Dr. Rachel Busman, Child Mind Institute

The start of the holiday season brings about all kinds of warm feelings, thoughts of family and friends, and images of togetherness. We want the whole season to be like a Norman Rockwell painting where the turkey is glistening, the mashed potatoes are piping hot, and the crust of the apple pie is perfect.

But in reality, the holidays can cause a tremendous amount of stress—most of which comes from the expectations we set for ourselves. If you are hosting Thanksgiving (like I am), you likely want your guests to be happy and well-fed. You want your nieces and nephews to be happy and, hopefully, well behaved, and you want the seating arrangements to be flawless. Basically, you want the perfect meal—never mind the fact that there is virtually no chance that everything will go exactly as planned!

Here are a few tips for tolerating the curveballs that are part and parcel of the holiday season.

1. Manage expectations.
It’s reasonable to want a clean house for your guests and to set the table a little nicer than usual. But don’t agonize over the small stuff. No one expects you to have wiped every surface with white gloves or that every napkin is starched and pressed. Figure out what’s really important and take a pass on the rest. Guests are coming to see you and your family, not to check for dust bunnies.

2. Live in the here-and-now.
It’s very normal for adults to want to make the holidays special. Maybe you want Thanksgiving to be exactly like it was for you as a child or maybe you are trying really hard to create new memories that stay with you forever. Either way, be “mindful.” Appreciate this holiday for what it is—this holiday and no other. Don’t miss out because you’re stuck in the past or thinking about the future.

3. Delegate.
Many folks (myself included) feel the need to be Superwoman or Superman and take on everything. This isn’t necessary. If you are hosting, ask other people to bring something. In my house, everyone chips in, even people who might be traveling. Remember—it’s easy for a guest to pick up a bottle of wine on their way over and it may save you some quality time.

4. Plan for the kids.
You might want the kids to sit through the meal, but that’s often not very realistic. Kids tend to get antsy quickly and it won’t really occur to them that this is a special day to be spent sitting at the table talking to relatives for hours. My sister keeps the kids engaged with inexpensive crafts to do at the table, and I have seen fabulous free and printable activities on Pinterest that do the trick.  It’s also totally fine to turn on the TV—the kids will love watching Home Alone and you’ll get some much needed adult time.

5. Laugh!
With all of the cooking and cleaning and delegating, please remember to laugh. Look around and see that you are surrounded by the people you love.  Stop and take a moment to remember what you’re really thankful for. Enjoy the most important part of the holiday—being together, sharing food and stories, and perhaps laughing at those imperfect moments that will be next year’s cherished memories.

Photo: Frantysek
Published: November 17, 2015