By Jewish Treats
September 13, 2017

Part of being a grown up is knowing when we’ve done something wrong and apologizing to the one(s) we’ve hurt. And, as the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) approaches, it’s a good time to teach nieces and nephews about saying sorry - and about forgiveness.

While some feel that the three hardest words to say are: “I am sorry,” we also know that they can also be among the most important words we can utter. Indeed, saying we are sorry, or at least admitting one’s guilt, is a critical part of the process of what Jews refer to in Hebrew as Teshuvah, or repentance.

But being the one to apologize is only half the responsibility. If we are the ones who were wronged, it's equally important to accept one’s apology. Moreover, the ability to forgo an apology altogether and simply forgive the person for hurting us is even better.

See Also: Four Savvy Rosh Hashana Activities

Jewish tradition teaches that one is only obligated to ask for forgiveness from the one(s) we have hurt three times. After three refusals, the person asking for forgiveness is no longer held accountable for their misconduct; he or she has demonstrated true regret. And the one doesn’t forgive a sincere apology after three requests? They are now guilty of bearing a grudge, and bearing a grudge is a violation of a Torah prohibition (Leviticus 19:18). Bearing a grudge affects the bearer psychologically. They are often less happy with the world and other people because they can't get past the feeling that they were wronged.

Family dynamics often offer a great opportunity for demonstrating the art of saying sorry and the importance of forgiveness. Aunts can model asking for forgiveness and accepting an apology with other family members.


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