I certainly do not claim to be sister or auntie of the year, because I'm not even close to being either. I don’t quite know what the perfect auntie looks like, but if I had to guess what my sister’s idea of it is, it looks a lot more like "available" versus "living the dream."
 
In my personal life, I operate on a very laid back and somewhat unscheduled front. I live by the beach in Los Angeles, with the man of my dreams, who I will marry one day. This awesome guy and I will have a baby and we too will eventually transition into the whole hectic whirlwind of parenthood. We will also one day slide into that guaranteed couple chaos that comes with the baby program. I'm certain of it and even look forward to it. But until we do, we’re going to go ahead and keep living the dream. We’re going to travel, get massages for no reason, go surfing after work, drop disposable cash on cute threads we don’t really need from J. Crew and yes, also take random naps. Because, news alert—we can.
 
For the record, I operate my business quite opposite from how I run my personal life. When it comes to work, I’m scheduled, streamlined, and a slightly driven, one-woman machine. I am very unemotional in this area, which sometimes freaks out the above mentioned awesome man in my life, who says he feels like he dates two different people. Lucky for him, he scored the two women for one price plan.
 
So, when I get that "911" text or call from my sister every now and then asking for my help because the nanny didn't show up, I have an ongoing internal battle with my response. I have to ask myself, “Am I obligated to drop everything and join the team of solution? Do I need to be the solution? Or am I permitted to accept I don’t have to be the solution?"

It’s an ongoing struggle, but I usually accept that I don’t need to be the solution. In turn, I try to not feel that huge pang of guilt we sisters often get. I accept that I can be of service later at a scheduled time that doesn’t add stress or unplanned chaos to my day. Or when it includes a 30-minute or more commute to be the savior in hectic Los Angeles traffic. Okay, I admit, even when it isn’t in the middle of the week and there isn’t traffic, I’m not necessarily always up for playtime. I’m just beat tired, not mommy with two kids tired--just regular, high achiever, working entrepreneur, woman tired.
 
I sometimes wonder, do sisters with kids think us sisters without kids are just at home taking mini naps in between episodes of “American Idol” and “Days of Our Lives” or rearranging our overflowing closets all day? News flash! We are most definitely not. I'm just trying to run a business in a crap economy and keep the roof over my head. When I’m not busy, I just want to watch some TiVo with my man, avoid noise that is not created by me and have adult time out. And we all know that type of thinking really isn’t okay.

Trust me, I have friends who overextend themselves to accommodate their sisters and all of their varied needs and these friends seem all sweet and perfect Auntie at the time, but I always end up hearing about it later. I listen to complaints like, "My sister just expects me to drop everything…" and I say, "Well, it's like Pavlov’s dog, if you say yes over and over, they should expect you to deliver!"
 
Saying "no" to situations, events or outings with the kids seems to give sisters with kids the idea that we sisters without kids don’t care, or we’re not available or we love our nephews and nieces less. In truth, we adore our nieces and nephews, and we adore them bunches. We just have lives that are structured in a different way and since we don’t have kids, we haven’t quite escaped our "living the dream" lifestyle. Yes, it's true, we don’t “get it” the way you would like us to, but we try and we do mean well. We actually would be thrilled if you could forget that you’re a mom now and then, and just throw caution to the wind, come hang out with us like the good old days, get drunk and let us hold your hair back while you do what you used to do. But, that was then and this is now--we know.
 
So, here are a few tips to sisters with kids, from a sister without kids on speaking our language and helping you get what you need.
 
Communicate with us.
If we have an idea of what your expectations are, we can give you a reality check, offer clarity and together arrive on common ground, where expectations don’t lead to resentments.
 
Ask us specifically for what you need.
It doesn’t mean you will get it, but at least we will know what is going on in your mommy head and we can figure out a way to make it happen, because we truly want to help.
 
Take advantage of us properly.
Think of the outings you know we love doing with the kids and book a lot of those. Remember, we also have friends with kids and can rock a good play date. Plan ahead, this helps us help you.
 
Sometimes, forget you're a mom and be the old you.
If we’re expected to change and learn to be these super aunties who want to rush to help and participate, it would be nice if you too made an effort to participate by being there for us as well. Just show up as a person and leave mommy at the door now and then.
 
Know that we love you, adore you, and are in awe of you.
Oh, and most of us envy you, your husband (no matter how annoying he is) and your beautiful kids. Remind us one day it will happen to us too, we like to hear that. But please let us also keep the fantasy that when it does happen to us, we’ll totally do it better and more streamlined.
 
We know that you sisters with kids live for the day we sisters without kids, have our own children so you can gloat, watch our train wreck and say “no sorry we can’t, we’re going to the movies” and guess what? We’ll totally understand and hate you for it later.

Stacie Krajchir is the founder of The Bungalow PR and The See & Sprout Project.