We’ve all heard the saying, “it takes a village to raise a child.” In her book, “It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us,” Hillary Clinton shares her vision for the children of America. She focuses on the impact individuals and groups outside the family have, for better or worse, on a child's well being.

We women in our forties have heard it all: “I can’t believe you’re single…you’re such a catch!” or, “Do you even want to get married?” and let’s not forget the uber-positive folks: “Maybe you’re just meant to stay single.” And of course, that inappropriate single commentary is generally followed by the “Are you ever going to have kids?” inquiry. And to think I spent all of those years of wondering if my time would ever come. One thing I’ve learned, is the whole love and marriage stuff apparently arrives exactly when you are ready for it; and here I am, 42 years old, freshly hitched and wouldn’t have had it any earlier than this exact moment.

During week one of planning, I quickly realized Clinton’s “it takes a village” concept also rang true of my own ideas about marriage, what it meant to not only be married, but the path to getting there, and the individuals who impacted me along the way: my Aunties.

I know most women take a year to plan a wedding; this wedding would be planned in three months flat, because we happened to learn three days after the proposal that we were pregnant. Hello modern woman! Yep, when it rains it pours. Don’t even ask for a rundown of what was going through my head - let’s just say, it was a lot.

My fiancé, Kris, and I chose Kailua Oahu as our location for our wedding, less for the beauty of Hawaii and more so for the overall experience we wanted to have leading up to our wedding day. I knew I wanted to spend the days leading up to the wedding day surrounded by family, immersed in the culture I was raised in and around, and family lives there.

Being on an island was like being in the womb; I felt embraced and safe as I made my way through this very unchartered territory of committing to someone forever.In Kailua, I was able to brush up against familiar cherished childhood memories of frolicking in the ocean, lying in the sand, and listening to the sounds that calmed me, while also surrounded by those who helped create the person I am today - my Aunties and family. I embraced my Aunties’ input, guidance, wisdom and their love which was sprinkled all over me each and every day we spent planning this really big day of my life together.

My aunties individually and as a combined tribe have impacted me from the time I was in diapers, telling me to cook rice this way, do my chores with pride, share with my sister, fold the napkins like this and so many other ways. They taught me about friendship, respecting my elders, creativity, responsibility, and also reminded me often that the world is not always fair and you get out of life what you put into it. I knew that to pull off the wedding I never knew I wanted; it would require the whole village.

A Village of Aunties

I was never the girl who dreamed about her wedding, not the dress, the pretty cake, or varied colors, I just didn’t. I’m not so sure why, I suppose I inherently knew for whatever reason, I would have time - and I assumed over time my ideas would change and be shaped depending on who I would fall in love with and marry, so none of it really mattered. And I was right to trust in myself and in that gut feeling, because the instant Kris proposed, I suddenly knew the exact wedding I wanted; it was as clear as anything I had even known. It would be intimate yet regal, meaningful and spiritual, creative and joyous. It would be a major celebration that would bring together every decade of my life on the same soil and sand for one incredible day.

As our bridal party descended onto Kailua only five days out from the big day, the Aunties were ready on high alert. Aunty Patty was my creative co pilot and producer extraordinaire; for three months straight she would ensure every ounce of vision (realistic or not) would be executed and let me be honest, her support also came along with regular reminders to “let go” of all the details I was obsessing over.

Aunty Patty would align the rest of the tribe of Aunties: Aunty Kaipo created the most breathtaking floral arrangements you’ve ever seen, pink Vanda orchids, combined with a splash of orange and rich green ti leaves. She also made beautiful handmade haku leis for the children and ushers, which made our wedding party look so regal.

Aunty Pua helped create my beautiful bouquet, while Aunty Shawn cooked all of the pupus, including a Guamanian dish called Chicken Kelaguen, which I grew up loving. Aunty Meredith and Aunty Rene signed up for creative and floral support. Aunty Puchi, who spearheads The Friends of I’olani Palace, graciously shared passes to our guests to enjoy the only royal palace on United States soil and be educated about Hawaiian history and tradition. For the record, they never complained, instead during the sweat, heat and stress each assured me everything was going to be absolutely perfect, and it was.

I have to give credit where credit is due, the Uncles also rallied as card-carrying members of the village. Uncle Mike spearheaded the extreme sports department, giving our friends and attendees the opportunity to experience traditional Hawaiian canoe sailing during their stay. He, along with my cousins Nakoa and Corey, secretly produced our little escape and sailed Kris and I into shore following our ceremony, as we were announced Mr. and Mrs. Kristopher Tom. Uncle Ronnie manned the bar and Uncle Glenn and Tommy handled the music, so see, it really does take a village, sometimes the entire village to get a fellow Aunty hitched!

Sadly, Kris and I suffered a miscarriage during the early planning phases of our wedding. Our hearts were certainly heavy trying to plan one happy event, while also having to process a very somber one, but we got through it. The same village showed up, they kept us going, filled our hearts, embracing our well being and telling us everything was going to work out. The time for a child for us will come; today we have faith in that. For now, we are basking in the bliss of a very perfect day.

As you move forward into the holiday season, many of you may be in a position to afford to hire an event planner to produce that perfect holiday dinner. However, I urge you to reach out to your village, come together and feel the joy of working alongside one another, create new memories and share this special time together. The impact of leaning on each other will be felt for years to come and the joy will be overflowing.

And really, your Aunties will be touched you reached out, secretly they all love a good excuse to drink red wine.

Stacie Krajchir is the founder of The Bungalow PR and The See & Sprout Project.

Published: November 15, 2010