One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2009 was to spend more time actively living my own life. Over the past couple years, I’ve been celebrating engagements, marriages and babies that, at times, I felt like I was so caught up in other’s people’s lives that I really didn't have much of my own. Not to say I wasn’t happy to be invited to and involved in these momentous occasions—I truly was—but part of me felt like I was missing out on making my own memories.

I decided to take a break.

After spending so much time with family around the holidays, I thought it might be a good idea to limit my visits and spend time expanding my social circle. It’s been a blast and I’ve met some new and interesting people. But I feel incredibly guilty. Like I’m slacking off on my job or ignoring my responsibilities as an aunt.

My sister told me that my niece, Caroline, stands at the foot of the stairs where I stay when I visit and calls my name (or her version of it). This breaks my heart. She wanted me and I wasn’t there. My other sister, mother to my nephew Aidan, posts pictures and videos of him on Facebook, and I feel like I’m missing out on watching him grow up (side note: his little laugh is adorable!). I’ve even had a hard time scheduling visits with my two friend’s daughters, Alyssa and Emily, who are growing up way too fast!

It’s not that anyone is taking me on a major guilt trip. I do it to myself. When I see a photo or a video, I get sharp pangs of emotion right in my gut. But why? I see the kids pretty regularly and their parents know that I care for them dearly. Why do I think it’s selfish to spend time being an independent single woman?

The sad part is: it’s only the beginning of March, and I have seen them all at least once, some more than that, since I made that resolution. I know there are many of you out there who don’t get to see your favorite kids nearly as much. A good friend of mine has two nieces that live in Siberia—literally. Plus, she has a nephew in Wisconsin that she only gets to see when she visits her family a few times a year. I know she misses them, but I think she understands that there is only so much you can do when your relatives live really far away.

I’m lucky. I know. All the little ones live less than an hour away. But in a way, it’s also a curse. Because they are so close, sometimes I feel like I should be spending all my free time with them and collecting all these early memories as much as possible. On those days when I kick back and do nothing, I get a knot in my stomach and wonder if I should be visiting. At the same time, I value my independence and want to enjoy my time as a single adult. Also, if I ever want to find a Savvy Uncle for these little ones, I have to get out and meet new people!

It’s a difficult balance and I’m still finding my way. I wish there was a rule book that would tell me how to be the best aunt I can be. Hopefully I’ll figure this is all out soon—the guilt is driving me nuts!

Do any of you have tips in finding a balance between your personal life and your familial obligations?