Special Guest Writer: Patricia Rossi, America’s Etiquette and Protocol Coach. Master your social presence with Patricia's new book, "Everyday Etiquette."


If you have a niece or nephew who seems to have a difficult time with direct eye contact or appears to feel awkward in social situations, there are ways you can help them overcome their social discomforts. First, let them know they are not alone in the way they feel. Many adults experience the same uneasiness. When I teach business etiquette workshops, I ask people to raise their hand if they have ever felt uncomfortable at a festive social gathering or business networking meeting. Ninety percent of the people raise their hands. Chances are they were not taught certain social skills when they were children that would have helped them feel more comfortable and confident in social situations. The good news is it’s not too late for your nieces and nephews.

You can help encourage their 'social savvy' by sharing the following invaluable tips with your young and impressionable relatives:

Make eye contact. – If you notice your niece or nephew is uncomfortable making eye contact, you can teach them a little trick. Share that when someone is speaking to them, they should look into their eyes to see what color they are. This gives the little novice a reason to look someone directly in the eye.

Look for social opportunities. – Suggest to your youthful family members that whenever they are in a public place, such as school, the grocery store, library, etc., they can say “hello” to people while looking at the color of their eyes. Explain how uplifting this can be to someone who may be having a bad day. Be sure to compliment your little apprentices when you see them engaging in social interaction.

Encourage further conversation. – Once your siblings’ or friends’ child has mastered eye contact and the art of saying “hello,” encourage them to expand on the conversation. Teach them if someone asks, “How are you?” they can respond with, “Fine, thank you. How are you?” People are amazed when a child speaks with such confidence and respect.

Avoid lecturing. – Learning can be fun and most effective if you offer short and sweet verbal cues instead of long lecturing dissertations. Your goal is to help your nieces and nephews to become more socially comfortable and confident, so look for opportunities to compliment and encourage them whenever you see them making an effort at social development.

Caring enough to help a child navigate through awkward stages in life will make a world of difference in their future social accomplishments.


Published: November 16, 2011