There are many aspects to the life of a Savvy Auntie - it’s not all birthday parties, holidays and group hugs. Sometimes it is hard being an Auntie, and at times, painful. While my area of expertise is sports, there is a daily “exercise” I am still just learning: the life-long lesson of acceptance and grace -similar to sportsmanship, but, as family is involved, harder to perfect.
 
Most of the athletes I have had the pleasure to meet or interview during my career will profess that the mental aspect to sports is far more important and demanding, than the dazzling physical skills. My brother once told me that being a professional football player was 25 percent physical and 75 percent mental. As an Auntie, the statistic would be the opposite: I am there for the kids in my life 75 percent of the time, regardless of distance. However, in reality, you must be mentally prepared to not always be a part of your nieces’ and nephews’ world.
 
I was sitting in one of my best friend’s homes as she was talking about an upcoming dinner guest: a family with one or two small children. Her husband’s reply to the idea of having them over was, “I don’t know, they’re sort of sticky.” This made me laugh as kids really ARE sticky, but he was actually talking about the parents - they were the type of guests that never leave.

Considering that I spend a lot of time with this family, sleep in a room christened “The Amy Shigo Suite,” think of their kids (four of them, ages 10 to18) as my nieces and nephews by choice, said, “If they are sticky…” and before I could finish they all laughed, “Oh, Amy, you are in a whole other category!” I laughed too, “I’m like glue then!” To which my friend replied, “Yep, you are crazy glue.”
 
I embraced this conversation and absolutely love this statement; it’s a testament to our friendship and my place in their family. I am accepted for my funny and fallible self, loved for being me and am welcomed but not considered a guest…I belong.
 
We get to choose our friends, though family is something very different. Everyone I know has their own family drama or struggle; no one is unique in that aspect. The hard part for us Aunties is when kids are involved. I love the kids in my life, related or chosen, and have spent approximately 20 years being an Auntie. I send gifts, cards and letters to camp. I go to their christenings, bar mitzvahs and sweet 16 parties. I have taken my niece and nephew on trips and treated them to hotels, dinners and experiences that they would otherwise not have had, because it is my job, my pleasure.

The hard part - the exercise, so-to-speak- is that while you, a generous Savvy Auntie, may always be there or be near, your presence (and presents) many not always be appreciated. You will do it anyway, because you love them and because you can. However, human nature being what it is, you need to be prepared to be happy enough with the experience and the selfish pleasure and joy you get from being a small part of someone’s life, for as long as it lasts, and as long as you are allowed.
 
It is a hard job we have, always being there. But in return, the PANK (Professional Aunt, No Kids) is sometimes considered lesser, or worse, not considered. Let me tell you something, Savvy Auntie: your imprint is there. You have created memories. You will be thought of and your tale told for years and years to come.  

Crazy glue sticks.

Amy Shigo is a sports journalist.

Published: July 13, 2010