All of you aunties who are sports fans will know what I’m talking about. March marks the advent of one of the most electrifying and anticipated times of the year in sports--The Big Dance.

For college basketball, March is the month of reckoning. Teams all over the country vie for a spot in the biggest and most important tournament of the year. Gutting it out on the hardwoods, they battle to make it to the Final Four and ultimately, be crowned the year’s National Champions.

People compile their fields of sixty-four, fill out their brackets and gather together to cheer on their favorite teams. Oh yes, it's time for March Madness, auntie! And this is a perfect time to bond with your nieces and nephews.

It's Tradition

In my own family, we bleed Villanova University blue and white. My Dad and brother graduated from Villanova and I did my graduate work there. For my family, the tournament is much more than a basketball contest. It is a tradition.

In the book, "New Traditions: Redefining Celebrations for Today's Family," Susan Lieberman says, "Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world."

How true! Traditions are the threads from which our remarkable family tapestries are weaved. They evoke comfort, bind us together, and create a sense of belonging and predictability.

Mourning a Loved One

But for those mourning a loved one, when it comes time to celebrate a family custom, the ritual is often not met with the same level of enthusiasm as in years past.

I saw this first hand when I was working with a young family whose father died of cancer. As the baseball season drew near, the boys seemed particularly down. During one of my bereavement visits, their Mom expressed her concern. "They love baseball but this year they seem lukewarm about the upcoming season. I don’t understand it."

Just as I suspected, the boys and their father had shared some traditions centered on baseball season. This would be the first year he wouldn’t be around to maintain those long held father-son bonding routines. They found themselves often saying, "This time last year…" Once I helped the boys process what they were feeling, I encouraged them to clue in their Mom. Doing so provided her the insight she needed to better understand their tepid dispositions and as a bonus sparked a conversation about she could help.

New Twists on the Old

Sometimes adding new twists to old traditions is the perfect way to acknowledge things are different without abandoning the traditions altogether.

Regardless of whether you’re looking to establish new family traditions or for variations on the old, here are some suggestions for ways to get your nieces and nephews involved in a fun-filled time of the year:

- Make a favorite family dinner on Selection Sunday (for those looking to remember a loved one, consider making their favorite dish) and invite your nieces and nephews.

- Discuss bracket selections together (a sports savvy auntie could be a terrific surrogate in the absence of a parent).

- Fill out a family bracket together and chose someone to update it as the tournament progresses.

- Make t-shirts with your favorite team’s colors or mascot.

It's Not Just about Basketball

The past few years, our family has gathered for a big Italian dinner on Selection Sunday. We dine, laugh and rib each other about whose teams made it to the big dance and whose will be sitting at home.

To the casual observer it might appear that for us it’s all about basketball. But basketball is simply the foundation upon which we build another celebrated family tradition. March Madness is a wellspring. It is rich with opportunities to make new memories for your family tapestries.

Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or simply looking for ways to enrich your relationships with your nieces and nephews, take a look around for opportunities during March Madness, it’s not really just about basketball.


Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC  is an expert on love and loss.

Photo: Wavebreak Media Ltd
Originally Published: March 14, 2010
Republished: March 1, 2017