'Tis the season for this question and lucky aunts and uncles who are trusted to tell the truth have most likely earned it. What is the truth? Anything you believe is your truth; anything real you can smell, touch, hear, or see…This is a good place to start with your nieces and nephews.

The first step is to determine what they really want to know. While driving in traffic and flustered, a patient of mine was asked by her four year old niece: ”Is Santa Claus real?” She barked a brisk: "NO!" But she regretted her response... until they got home and the little girl went merrily on her way talking about what Santa would bring her and checking her “Santa List." It was only the following Christmas that she announced Santa is NOT real.

Believing in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Santa is fun and exciting for young children, so go with the flow of belief. Supporting this belief as reality for older children puts you at risk for fibbing and therefore being less trustworthy.

Adults often fall into this trap as a means of controlling children’s behavior. “…Making a list, checking it twice, gonna’ find out who’s naughty or nice…” keeps kids in “good” behavior mode. This is an artificial control and too close to bribery. Since aunties and uncles don’t have to monitor behavior as much as parents, why not tell the truth? As a bright six year old I know said “Santa isn’t real because he is too fat to fit through a chimney! What about kids who don’t have chimneys?... and reindeer are too heavy for a roof... and he would get sick from so many cookies... and toys come from stores!” This is a great example of the left hemisphere of the brain (logical, linear) developing beyond the right hemisphere (emotions, creativity and imagination).

Many children will respond by wanting to share your answer with younger siblings or friends. It is a good idea to caution them that some kids want to keep believing in Santa, so not to ruin their fun.

Before you give an answer ask them: “What do you think?”

Enjoy your holidays!

If you want to learn more about ways to respond to child and other people you love, visit my website at TheSenseConnection.wordpress.com for highlights from my book.