Special Guest Post: Lee Block is a multi-talented, twice divorced mom of two who saw a need in the post-divorce community and created a family of sites centered around fulfilling that need. Using her degree in Art and her experience as a Marketing & Operations Manager for an e-commerce store, a Graphic & Web Designer, a Web Content Analyst, an Editor, a Writer, & a Blogger, Lee has successfully launched The Post-Divorce Chronicles, LeeBlock.com, and soft-launched The Post-Divorce Dating Club in Texas, all within a matter of months. Lee is a certified divorce coach and writes for the Huffington Post. She was recently recognized by Startup Nation as a Leading Mom in Business in 2011.

As we get married and our siblings get married, the relationships change. No longer are they the annoying younger brother or the obnoxious older sister, but now they are the friend. And, when you are all married with children, you may spend a lot of time with them as friends and your kids may even be very close to each other as first cousins. So, what happens when a divorce takes place? Is it okay to continue a relationship?

It is a very fine line between friendship and family, and there is no question that family comes first. The great thing about having a sibling who is divorced with children is that you can still continue the relationship between you and your sibling, and your children and theirs. Those ties are not broken.

On the flip side of the coin, you can also continue a relationship with their ex when he or she has the children, but handle it with grace.  Speak to your sibling first and make sure they are okay with a continuing relationship.  After all, this is their ex that you are discussing and they must be comfortable with the situation.

If your sibling does not want you to have a relationship with their ex, be understanding and respect their wishes.  If you choose to have a relationship anyway, be open and honest with your sibling about what you are doing, and why. Whether it has to do with the children or your own personal relationship that you have formed, your sibling needs to know what you are doing, and why.  

Set up some ground rules if you do continue a relationship with the ex.  Do not speak about your sibling to the ex. Do not tell the ex what the sibling is doing, who they are dating or where they are going. If the ex asks, explain that you aren’t comfortable discussing them with the ex and if they want information, then they can go to the source. And, be sure you don’t speak about the ex to your sibling. This goes both ways!

When dealing with the children mixing together, make sure your kids understand that their Aunt and Uncle are no longer married, and that what they see in one house does not get told in the other house. Once again, this also works both ways! It is important that the children maintain a relationship with their cousins, and depending on how close they were to their Aunt or Uncle, them as well.

If one of your children is having a birthday party and your sibling’s children are with the ex for that weekend, tell your sibling that you have invited the ex to come with the children. You don’t want any surprises, and the best way to stay out of hot water is to make sure there aren’t any.  

Now, if you decide you don’t want to have anything to do with the ex anymore, always be polite to them when you see them. Do not let your nieces or nephews see any animosity between the two of you. The most important thing to remember is that this is not your battle to fight, but your sibling’s. Stay neutral and keep a smile on your face, if for no other reason, than for the sake of the children.

By Lee Block

Published: June 21, 2011