We know how much you love your family, especially your nieces and nephews. And given that love and with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it’s time to think about how we can make the lives of our family easier, let alone our own lives. As an aunt, we may need to communicate our wishes to our parents, siblings or even our grown nieces and nephews, in case the worst happens, with "worst" meaning death or an incapacity that hinders our ability to act for ourselves.

Many of us do not like to think about those possibilities. We either avoid them as too unpleasant to contemplate or we tend to view ourselves as somehow invincible and immortal. Yet that avoidance could cost our families and us dearly, a cost that can be avoided through some simple planning. Let's look at what we can do by reviewing a discussion I had a few weeks ago with my parents about my 80-year-old grandparents.

Probing into your grandparents' personal situation is difficult for a grandchild, and I am no exception. At the same time, having a conversation with your parents about their parents is even more difficult. My grandfather was suffering from cancer and my grandmother had numerous stokes and mild dementia. Neither were able to fully care for themselves. Despite our best efforts, we couldn’t persuade either to accept outside help. What we could do, though, was ensure that they (and we) are prepared for the inevitable. Thus, it was with some reluctance that I approached the conversation I was about to have.

"Mom and Dad, who holds Grandma and Grandpa’s durable powers of attorney in case something happens to either of them? You know, in case they are hospitalized and cannot act for themselves?"

Power of attorney

A power of attorney gives someone else the right to act for you in accordance with the terms specified in that power. This power of attorney would allow us to pay bills or sell assets as needed to fund their care if either relative became incapacitated and unable to make decisions on their own behalf.

Without a power of attorney, we would be forced to go to court to have someone appointed as our guardian or conservator to do those things, an expensive and time-consuming process. This is totally avoidable with a power of attorney that a lawyer can prepare in advance for about $75 to $150.

Health care power of attorney

From there we went on to a discussion about a health care power of attorney. A health care power of attorney is a document that grants the holder the right to make any and all decisions regarding the care rendered on behalf of my grandparents if they were medically unfit to do so.
My parents said they already had this document drawn up, a first step towards helping out family cover all bases.

I then asked when my Grandparents had last reviewed their wills. As far as they knew, Grandma and Grandpa do not have a will. They promised they would do something soon about this too.

Assisted living

Regarding the care Grandma and Grandpa needed, I brought up the conversation about assisted living facilities in their neighboring town. This type of retirement community would be more expensive than their current house payment, but would come with a plethora of benefits including on-site care, meals and recreational activities. At the same time, Grandma and Grandpa would have full independence to travel, shop and plan their life as they wanted!

Mom and Dad said this was another top priority for them.

Two weeks later, my mother and father proved true to their word. They had contacted an attorney who began drawing up a will on behalf of Grandma and Grandpa. They also implemented durable powers of attorney. Grandma and Grandpa are signing a lease on a beautiful assisted living apartment in our neighboring town this week. They are scared about the move, but excited to be closer to Mom and Dad as well as looking forward to meeting tons of other retirees with a zest for life and need for independence.

These documents help put everyone at ease

I did not enjoy the discussions I had with my mother and father- but it did bring us all closer. They understand how much I love them and my Grandparents. I think the documents discussed above are essential to all families. Their existence just makes things easier -- and quite possibly far cheaper -- in the event of death or incapacity. My parents also have them in place now, so I can rest more comfortably. My husband and I also have them in place, so our families don't have to worry, either. Wouldn't you like to enjoy the same peace of mind? You can. All it takes is a bit of discussion with your closest family members.  Yes, it will cost some money. But that cost is minimal compared to the difficulties you and yours may face without those documents.

Stacy Francis is a nationally recognized financial and public relations expert, and is the founder of both Francis Financial, Inc. and Savvy Ladies