A Letter to My Niece as She Grows
Sheree Winslow is a leader and a writer and founder of WomenAtTheTables.com. As someone who has managed company operations and more than 1200 employees, she is passionate about helping women advance as leaders. She started Women At The Tables as a way to inspire and mentor women and girls who want to lead. You can connect with Sheree via email sheree@womenatthetables.com, through the Women At The Tables Facebook page or at WomenAtTheTables.com.
Recently, I have started to become preoccupied with women’s health issues and specifically, all that we don’t seem to know about our own bodies. I started to explore this topic when I realized that in the last year, four women close to me have struggled through miscarriage. I am over 40 and my 40-ish friends face rates of miscarriage more than 50% higher than women in their 20s.
In each instance, my friends encountered confusion about what was happening to their bodies. They also had limited support from friends and family since they had not yet shared news of their pregnancies broadly. Feelings of loss and a sense of guilt (“I must have done something to make this happen”) experienced in isolation added to their physical strain.
Preparing for a miscarriage is a cynical pursuit, and it is not difficult to understand why a woman is not ready for it when it occurs. She has been building hope of a baby’s arrival and doesn’t want to carry a belief that the fetus won’t survive. But one of the most troubling aspects for each of my friends was the inability to get the information and guidance she needed in the midst of and following her crisis.
At the same time that I have been observing the problems with my friends’ miscarriages, I’ve also become aware of things I wish I had known about my body 20 years ago. Our anatomies are complicated and without the right information, we may experience the following:
-We carry anxiety that we don’t need, as we try to understand physical changes;
-We risk our health by not seeking medical attention when we do need it;
-We hold ourselves responsible for things over which we have no control; or
-We don’t proactively take care of our bodies.
As my oldest niece grows older, I want her to be more educated about her body than I was when I was younger. Currently, however, if I tried to talk to her about the changes she will experience, she would turn every shade of red and resist the topic. But someday she will have questions. So, after talking with her mother about how I can provide a secondary support role, I wrote the below letter to prepare the way for future discussions.
Dear Niece,
Each time I see you, I see how you are growing into a beautiful young woman. I love watching how you are embracing life, developing new interests, and working on your studies. You make your Auntie proud.
Since you are changing into a young woman, I decided to write to you today for two reasons. First, I want you to know that I will always provide a safe place for you to voice any questions you have, as you get older. While you and your parents often talk about important subjects, if you ever find there is a time you need to talk with someone and cannot go to your mom or dad, please know your Auntie is here to listen, help and support you. Whether it’s about friends, boys, or your changing body, I want you to know you can always come to me. I will not judge you but will instead help you get the answers you need. I will not betray you but instead keep our conversations private. Sometimes, life is confusing and I am here for you.
Second, as your body changes, you will realize that a woman’s body is complicated. I know this is awkward and that you may not even like to think about this. But be proud of your body. All women go through the same changes, and while it might feel weird now, what you are experiencing is the same thing all women have experienced from the beginning of time. You have nothing to be embarrassed about; so, learn to love your body. I sometimes learn new things that I wish I had learned when I was younger, and I want you to educate yourself. Our Bodies Ourselves is a book that you might find helpful. And when you have questions, please let me know.
Your Auntie is here to support you as you become the wonderful young woman you are meant to be. You are loved and I am here for you.
Love,
Auntie
Photo: stockimages
Published: February 26, 2013