By Lisa Graystone

For National Depression Education and Awareness Month, we are sharing some advice from guest contributor Lisa Graystone on how to approach your teenage niece or nephew if he or she exhibits signs of depression.

I have always believed that talking about issues in life brings not only awareness, but accountability, healing and provides the people around you with an opportunity to understand and help. A famous friend of mine, when referring to addiction said, “Silence equals death,” and I think the same is true when referring to depression. Depression is very real for teens and young adults, as real as it is for their adult counterparts. Depression expresses itself in teens a little differently than with adults, but the seriousness is the same. It is commonplace for everyone to have “down days” or to feel unmotivated or “blue,” but this is not depression.

Depression is defined as “severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.” My sister has battled with depression most of her life, beginning when she was about 15 years old. I have seen the havoc it can wreak on someone’s life, well-being and self-esteem. She is now in her early 40s and it is still an ongoing battle. Recently the young daughter of old classmates of mine from my home town took her own life, allegedly dealing with issues associated with teen depression. In honor of Depression Awareness Month, the time is NOW to start talking about this serious mental health issue.

According to Mental Health America (formerly known as the National Mental Health Association) these symptoms may indicate depression, particularly when they last for more than two weeks:

-Poor performance in school
-Withdrawal from friends and activities
-Sadness and hopelessness
-Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation
-Anger and rage
-Overreaction to criticism
-Feelings of being unable to satisfy ideals
-Poor self-esteem
-Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness
-Restlessness and agitation
-Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
-Substance abuse
-Problems with authority
-Suicidal thoughts or actions

Teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. Teens also may express their depression through hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behavior. But such behaviors only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends, family, law enforcement or school officials.

What can you do if you see your niece or nephew exhibiting one or more of the above signs?

1. Listen. Don’t lecture.

Take the time to talk with your niece or nephew and really LISTEN. No need to lecture or interject. Really hear and acknowledge what they are saying. Also, hear what they do not say. This is not your time on the proverbial soap box. It is time to let your niece or nephew express how they feel or currently perceive the world without a lecture in return. Avoid criticizing and passing judgments, too.

2. Trust your gut.

You know your loved one. If something does not sound or appear right to you, reach out for professional assistance immediately.

3. Don’t hesitate to validate.

No matter how silly or insignificant the issues seem from an adult perspective, validate your niece’s or nephew’s feelings and show them respect. This acknowledgement can go a long way, as you will not be able to “talk them out of” their depression.

4. Be an advocate.

Do some research about the best mental health specialists in your area. See what resources are available, groups, therapists, etc., and offer the information to your niece or nephew and their parents. The earlier the intervention, the better chance your teen niece or nephew has on being able to work through or acquire coping skills. You need to be an advocate and present them with options and assist in getting the help they need. You alone are not equipped to “fix” your loved one.

5. Get goin’.

Encourage your teen niece or nephew to get exercise or get out and be social. Staying isolated only exacerbates the symptoms of depression. Going out into nature to even walk, get fresh air, or explore has natural healing elements.

6. Talk. Talk. Talk.

Be open and honest with all family members. Being silent, avoiding or being less than honest in hopes of protecting your niece or nephew is not helpful. In order to heal and move forward, there should be open communication with everyone. Depression affects the entire family. If there are siblings involved, make sure they are also included in the dialogue (age appropriate, of course) and that they are not “left out” or made to feel left on the sidelines. I have experienced this first-hand as my parents tried to help my sister from the time she was a teen. When I was younger, I did not understand and am sure I would have benefitted from having things explained to me.

It is very difficult to try and help someone you love who is suffering with depression. You must also remove all of your own expectations and just “be there for them.” From first-hand experience, I can attest to how difficult it is to be around someone with a mental health issue and be unable to fix it for them. You also cannot make someone do what they don’t want or are not ready to do (e.g., seek treatment). Getting creative and finding alternative therapies (to traditional group or one-on-one sessions) like art or music therapy may help, depending on what your teen niece or nephew is interested in.

I do not believe that psychiatric drugs are enough, and they are not always the answer. Many drugs prescribed to treat depression have a side effect of “suicidal thoughts” and teens are at a much higher risk. Antidepressants affect the teenage brain differently than the adult brain and warnings must be placed on all labels according to the FDA for people under 24. The risk of suicide is highest during the first two months of antidepressant treatment. Exercise, eating well, getting out in nature, and therapy are all great alternatives to drugs. Treatment will vary from person to person and will be up to the physician and families together to determine what is right. The family unit and Savvy Auntie advocates included can help each other cope with depression, but everyone needs to start talking.

Lisa Graystone is a Writer and Fashion Entrepreneur, Owner/Stylist of Evolution Vintage (www.evolution-vintage.com) and Evolution Rewind (www.evolutionrewind.com).

Photo: merfam via photopin cc
Published: October 8, 2013