By Rachel Busman, PsyD, Child Mind Institute: Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center
Clinical Psychologist; Co-Director, Selective Mutism Program, Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center

January is National Mentoring month. At a very basic level, having a mentor means having a person who genuinely cares about you and your success as a person.  When I was researching this topic, I came across a great website that has great resources about the power of being a mentor.  Kids who regularly meet with their mentors are more likely to have positive outcomes—they stay in school more, they experience fewer depressive symptoms, and they use less drugs than their non-mentored counterparts. Kids from a variety of backgrounds can benefit from being mentored, as well as kids who are considered at risk.

This idea of mentoring got me thinking—even if I am not part of a formal mentoring program like Big Brothers, Big Sisters, how could I be a mentor to my nephew? Being a role model is a great way to nurture a special relationship with a child other than your own. And you don’t have to make grand gestures or have a degree in psychology or special education in order to be a mentor. Need some ideas?

    1.    Start a book club. Sharing the love of reading is an amazing way to connect with kids of all ages – especially your nieces and nephews. If you live close by, plan a day where you and a child can read together and talk about the story. What did you like? What was your favorite part?  If it’s a young child, choose a beloved picture book. With older kids, have the tween or teen pick a book and you read it. Let them start a conversation about the book and let the dialogue flow.  If you live far away, you can always video chat.

    2.    Be a Resolution Coach. Try this: if you made New Year’s resolutions, share a few things with your niece or nephew—how did you set your goals? How are you progressing? Any roadblocks or blips along the way? Sharing your experience can help even young kids learn to set goals and track their progress. Set aside some time to talk about how to establish measurable goals and how to reward yourself for reaching them.

    3.    Be a Cheerleader. One of my favorite things to do is talk to my sister on the phone. One of my other favorite things to do is hear her tell me about things that Joseph, my 5 ½ year old nephew has done or accomplished. After she tells me, I take that opportunity to call and tell Joseph how proud I am of him. For example: “Hey Joe, I heard you wrote a really lovely get well note to Nana. That was so special and I bet it really made her feel better”. You have no idea how much that clear, specific praise means to children. It lets them know you are aware of what they are doing and notice.

    4.    Be a Homework Helper. Let them know that you are interested in what they are learning in school and can help if they need it. Letting your teenage niece or nephew know that you would love to hear their essay ideas or quiz then on US history terms is a great way to mentor—and you can do it via Skype if you live far away!

I hope these ideas spark your interest in being a mentor to the nieces and nephews in your life. It goes without saying that before you jump in, check with the special parents or caregivers in your life too to make sure your ideas are welcome. I am sure they will be! Have fun.

Rachel Busman, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in the evaluation and treatment of anxiety and mood disorders in children and adolescents. Dr. Busman has extensive experience providing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to children, teenagers, and young adults struggling with psychiatric disorders, school difficulties, and behavioral problems. She has specific interest and expertise in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder, separation anxiety, specific phobias, and selective mutism.

Photo: Ambro
Published: January 27, 2014