In a two-week span, my dad was hospitalized, one of my aunts died, my brother and I traveled to Missouri to attend the funeral, I had deadlines and projects due at work, and I met and cuddled my first great-niece.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the Sandwich Generation, Aunties.
 
At some point in middle age, we reach that point where both the parents and the children in our lives need assistance. It’s a rite of passage, albeit a trying one, and several of my friends are also in the same situation.

So how do you keep yourself together when you’re being pulled in different directions?

Engage in self-care. When you’re taking care of other people, it’s even more important for you to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat more healthy stuff than unhealthy stuff, meditate, and get sleep. Also, keep up with your regular doctor and dentist appointments. You’re no good to anyone else if you’re not taking care of yourself, and this helps to deal with the additional stress you’re feeling.

Say “No” when needed. When you’re being pulled in many directions, it’s good to have strong boundaries and say no to things that you simply don’t have the psychic or physical energy to do. Streamline a few layers in your sandwich.

Get help when you need it. Don’t be a martyr, and it’s okay that you’re not Superwoman. Get help when you need it. Seek a therapist or coach, use a housekeeper, and take requests for help from friends and family. My friend Ellen has told me that she’s on call for me whenever I need an ear and chocolate.

Communicate with others. My sister lives near our parents, but my brother and I both live 500 miles away. The three of us communicate regularly via text, phone calls and emails, and we make sure we’re updated. Since parents can be difficult to raise and very stubborn, we also check in with our Aunts and Uncles, and we have realized that our parents will listen to them vs. us at times. As my nieces and nephews pursue their own lives as young adults, I remind them to visit their grandparents and help out with tasks such as mowing the lawn or showing them how to access Dropbox.

With co-workers and your boss, let them know what’s going on so that they are aware. You don’t have to give them nitty gritty details, but it’s important for them to know you’re dealing with a full plate.

It’s important to say what you need to say to your loved ones, regardless if they’re dealing with a chronic or terminal illness. When my birth father was dying from cancer, I realized that it was important to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you.

Get organized. As a member of the sandwich generation, you may have to drop things to make emergency trips back home or deal with a sick child. Make sure your work environment is organized enough that coworkers can cover for you. At home, know where your bills are and how you can pay them no matter where you are. Also, you may want to pre-pack a suitcase with some travel items so you spend less time packing.

Spend time with the children in your lives. This is my favorite thing to do, but it’s good to remind yourself to spend quality time with the nieces, nephews and godchildren. If their grandparents are the ones who are ill, they will be experiencing their own stress about the situation. Personally, spending time with my littles (although some of them aren’t so little anymore) reminds me of what’s important in the world.

A week after standing at a graveside in a small town in Missouri, I found myself cuddling five-week-old Bailey, the newborn daughter of young Sarah who lived with me last year. Her dark brown eyes locked with mine, and I whispered, “You are full of possibilities.” In that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay for all of us.

Photo: Rory MacLeod via Flickr cc
Published: May 13, 2014