I had the opportunity to interview actor and autism advocate Holly Robinson Peete about the new children’s picture book she wrote with her daughter Ryan Elizabeth called: My Brother Charlie. It’s a story about how Holly and Ryan’s twin brother RJ cope with RJ’s autism. I wanted to know how Savvy Aunties could help parents of autistic kids and the kids themselves.

Holly ‘got it’ right away. She told me she was a Savvy Auntie before she became a mom and loved it: “Oh, my goodness. I mean, I was just telling my husband about that the other day, before we had kids and my brother had his daughter, it was like you would have thought it was our kid. And there’s something about being an auntie that just makes you feel so special.”

SA: First I wanted to know how an aunt who might be a more objective observer, might see something in the development of the child that the parents aren’t ready to see. How should an aunt broach the possibility of a developmental issue with the parents?

HRP: Well, there are two ways that aunties can help. I don’t have a sister and, boy, I wish I did. But I do have a best friend who’s almost 50 and she doesn’t have kids and that’s just the way I like it. Because she comes over and she’s Auntie Terry and she is awesome. And yes, it’s so true …. I  hear this very often when I go speak or I’ll go to an autism conference… aunties will come to me and say: My sister’s in denial about what’s going on with her child and I can’t get them to acknowledge that clearly this kid is on the spectrum. And what do I do, because they’re defensive?

And I usually counsel them that sometimes it’s better, and this is not in all cases, but sometimes because there’s a lot of denial and it can very difficult to talk about this topic, it’s better to allow someone who’s not in the family to approach. Because you tend to get that – you know whether it’s a sister or just a good friend, you tend to get defensive with that person.

So I always counsel them to find someone outside of the family, a third party to make a suggestion about how you should approach or maybe think about what’s going on with your child. And I’m not just saying this to promote our book, but I really did write with my daughter, “My Brother Charlie,” with this in mind; how to talk about autism in a way that’s not scary.

And I think and I’m hoping – it is our hope that when families are able to read this book and may sort f in the back of their minds know there’s something going on, possibly autism with their son or daughter, that they read this, it will give them hope and a little bit more – a little bit less fear to talk about autism and what may be happening with their families. So I hope that it will help get people out of denial.

How to help the parents

SA: How can Savvy Aunties help a family with a child on the autism spectrum?

HRP:  Aunties can really help by taking those kids and give the family a night out. That is the biggest thing that is so underrated. But when an auntie says you know what, I’m going to take your kids to the movies or they’re going to come to my house or I’m coming to your house; you and your husband go out, or just you go out if you’re a single mom.

And so childcare is huge, because so many of us with special needs kids are very uncomfortable leaving our children with just anybody. And an auntie is a perfect person that can give us peace of mind. We can go out. We can you know you know we can hang out and just have some me time, because that’s what parents need. They need time for themselves as well.

Activity ideas?

SA: OK, so Auntie has agreed or offered to take care of her autistic niece or nephew. What are some activities that she can do with her autistic niece or nephew? She may not have all the tools in order to know exactly what to do with them, so what are things that she can do to keep the autistic niece or nephew having fun, especially if she’s actually taking care of a non-special needs child at the same time?

HRP: Well, every child is different, so it would be hard to say one specific activity. I mean, every – I think you have to get some information, do some due diligence with your girlfriend or your brother or whoever it is that you’re you know –  and really check out and pay attention to what the child does with the family and what he’s into.

I mean some kids will go off and be totally cool to do video games. So the idea is you want to connect with them and what I’ve found is most kids just have different interests. But the most important thing is just really finding out from the family what it is and being open. Because even though the child with autism might you know might be into a specific game, five minutes later he might lose interest and be ready to move on.

You’ve got to be very ready to roll with the punches and be very you know it’s a very spontaneous thing. And that’s why you know we appreciate our aunties, because we know that they’re patient and they understand and that’s one of those reasons why we get so excited when we have aunties who really understand and are in our families and hang out with us on a regular basis.

My favorite Auntie, Auntie Terry, comes by and everybody runs to her, including RJ because they know that she has no judgment and she comes with no preconceived notions. She rolls with the punches and I think she’s our super auntie because of that.

SA: Oh, that’s beautiful. We should do a little interview with Auntie Terry.

HRP:  Yes, we could!  You know I should mention that Auntie Terry is also a singer and she sings in a group called En Vogue and she’s an amazing young lady. And you know every time she says, well, do you ever judge me for not having kids? And I was like are you kidding? I’m just fine with that. I’ve got plenty of them over here for you. You got four –you got – these four kids love their Auntie Terry you know nice and unencumbered.

SA: That’s great. We love that. Thank you, Holly.

HRP:  You’re welcome!

For more on My Brother Charlie, read our review.

Interview was conducted by Melanie Notkin, Founder, SavvyAuntie.com