Gift if not invited to grand-niece's wedding
My grand-niece is getting married and I was not invited. When she and her sisters were born and for the first few years I gave them birthday and Christmas presents and though I saw them only a couple of times each year (because I live several states away) I felt close to them. But then moved farther away and have not seen them in more than ten years. We had a family reunion last week and only then did I learn that one of the nieces is getting married. I am hurt, yes, but have not told anyone that. I am trying to focus on the "logical" and tell myself they aren't obligated to invite me. At the reunion they remembered me and gave me a polite obligatory hug, but didn't have much to say to me and didn't seem too interested. It was as if too much time had passed and I had just become "that strange aunt we kind of remember from our childhood." Argh. It's not as if we have had a disagreement. We send each other Christmas cards. It's as if we have settled into a kind of polite estrangement from our everyday lives. If we lived in the same area, that might not have been the case.
Anyway, when I saw everyone at the reunion last week and learned about the wedding, I simply expressed my congratulations in what I hope was a warm way, and the couple and their parents (my niece and her husband) did not act embarrassed that I was not invited to the wedding. In other words, everyone was speaking freely about the wedding and acting like it's not unusual that I am not invited.
I think I would like to send the couple a wedding gift, just out of love, but I am worried this will make them uncomfortable. I don't think anyone "expects" me to send a gift. I wouldn't send one out of "obligation" and the last thing I want to do is lay a guilt trip on anyone. If I had received a wedding announcement and yet not an invitation, I would feel less hurt and would definitely send a gift. I'm not sure if they even sent out announcements. Do people still do that? They have one of those Wedding Websites like so many these days have, with photos about how they met and became engaged, and descriptions of the wedding attendants. They have a lot of attendants and the wedding will be in their new hometown, which is out of state for their parents, grandparents, and other relatives. (I have speculated that I might not have been invited out of an understanding that it would have been difficult for me financially to travel that far, stay in a hotel, etc.)
What do aunts here on this forum think? Will it seem like I am laying a guilt trip if I send a gift?