bkearney
replied at
5:37pm
on
Oct 6 2009
Hi, Aunt Amy ~
First of all, I am just heartbroken for you and your family... I know how hard it is to lose such a precious little child who becomes a vital part of your life. For our family, it was the most horrible thing that's ever happened to us. I'm so sorry that you had to find out what that is like.
As I mentioned in my post, it's unfortunate that support groups seem to focus only on the parents, grandparents or siblings of a lost child... rather than the entire family. But, there are some ways to - perhaps - find a way through the pain.
In San Antonio where I live, there is a Children's Bereavement Center here. They focus on helping children work through their grief after losing a loved one, but they help point the way for adults, too; you may want to seek out a similar program where you live.
The other program I know of (again, here in San Antonio) is called The Center for Infant Child Loss, which is a sub-group of Any Baby Can of San Antonio. The numbers are: 210-227-0530 (Center) and 210-227-0170 (ABC). They might be resources for you; they may be able to point you in the right direction in your community.
That said, Amy, the things that helped me the most were my friends and my family. I had a group of very close friends who drove up from San Antonio to Dallas for the rosary and funeral Mass, and two very good friends who live in Dallas and where there with me and my family at the hospital while we waited with Abby. I would have been wrecked - and I would have felt very alone - if not for them. In the weeks following Abby's death, being able to show pictures of her to my friends in San Antonio.. to tell them about her, to tell them about my brother and sister-in-law, and just to be able to talk to people who would listen and love me was the best. It was very healing.
The book drive that we're continuing - and the overwhelming response to it in the past year - has been very cathartic. People respond to the story of Darling Abby. They realize there is something very wrong when a baby dies, and they want to be part of something that helps pay tribute to the baby and the family. Perhaps there's something your family can do to help honor your nephew's spirit - and his twin sister and his older brother - and help honor yourselves as well.
Again, Amy, I am broken-hearted for you and your family. Just thinking about how much you hurt makes me hurt all over again. But, I know there will be more smiles ahead. You have a little niece and nephew who are counting on Aunt Amy to spoil them rotten!!!
XOXO
Bernice
A.K.A. Aunt Beace
(That's what my 3-year-old niece Lola calls me... it's - strangely enough - what her mother used to call me when she was a very little girl more than 25 years ago. It's also what I will be called by 7-month-old niece goddaughter Victoria Abigail - named for big sister Abby - when she starts talking)!
~B