Dear Savvy Auntie,

I just turned 36 and would like to make my sister a true auntie.  My husband is younger than I am.  He is not quite ready to be a dad. What is your advice on being patient in becoming an older Mom and telling your sister that she has to be a patient Auntie?


Caring Sister

Dear Caring Sister,

Having a baby is a big decision and life long commitment and should be made between you and your husband, not for your sister.

That being said, many men are “not ready” and need to be helped along. Their main concerns are how their independence will be compromised, will they be able to financially support a family, and losing their wife’s affection and attention. Talk to your husband about his hesitancy and see if you can ease some of his reluctance.

The research speaks to more risk as a woman gets older and the person to give you personal answers is your gynecologist. Research is statistics and you are one person with your body on its own time line. It might be helpful to bring your husband along to the doctor.

I suggest that your sister seek substitutes for the time being. Volunteering in an orphanage, hospital, or early childhood program will not only somewhat satisfy her yearnings but, also teach her caregiver skills that will come in handy when her time comes to be an auntie.

Good Luck,

Natalie Robinson Garfield

Natalie Robinson Garfield is a Private Practice Psychotherapist & Consultant in NY

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