Dear Savvy Auntie,

I am an Auntie to two nieces. Though their mom and my brother broke-up years ago, she and I remained very close; sister-like, if you will. I have always been a consistent part of my nieces’ lives and have provided stability in both love and financial support. Anyhow, I was informed that my former sis-in-law is making two of her best friends my nieces’ godmothers. I was SHOCKED! I am close to my nieces; I buy them clothes, school supplies, take them everywhere, spend quality time, etc. I also provided my former sis-in-law with a job as well as paid their way (bro-sis-in-law) on numerous occasions when both were unemployed. So to find out that I was not even considered as a godmother, and the sole godmother to both nieces, baffles my mind. I am truly upset and feel backstabbed. I am still close to my sis-in-law but have not told her about my issue. My brother does not have a say-so in this and everyone agrees with me that I should be the obvious choice. What do I do, if anything?


Dear Auntie,

Ouch! Being passed over as godmother to your two nieces hurts! You could talk to your former sister-in-law and ask her what prompted her to not choose you as godmother. When you do, try to stay open to her rationale. There may be facts of which you are unaware in her decision. Also, many factors go into the role of godmother and it means very different things to different people at different times in their lives. The divorce of your brother and his wife may have soured your ex sister-in-law on his entire family and you are the sad victim of the fallout.

Most important is your day-to-day relationship with the little girls; keep up your loving generosity and you may find as they get older that you are their godmother in their hearts, even if not in name.

Good Luck,
Natalie Robinson Garfield

Published: September 21, 2010

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