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Dear Savvy Auntie,

I have never been big on labels, but one I was looking forward to since I can remember is "Auntie."

My niece, Malia is 2 years old, and still calls me "Jamie" and she does the same with her other "Aunties" (calls them by their first names) and they do not seem to have a problem with it. And this leads me to wonder: Am I being selfish by wanting to be called "Auntie"?

When my mom, dad, sister, and brother in law (who I love dearly - he fulfilled my dream of having a brother) refer to me as "Jamie," I try to be subtle about it and say "Auntie." My sister is not one who you can just go to and say "I have a problem with this and I would prefer it if she called me "Auntie." My parents are "Grandma” and "Papa" and my brother in law's mom is "Grandma."

This is something I have been struggling with for the last two years. Please help me.

Auntie Jamie

Dear Auntie Jamie,

You have every right to be called by the “Auntie” moniker and it’s not selfish in the slightest bit. In fact, understanding your important role as a secondary caregiver will help your niece feel safe when she is solely in your care. You’re not a friend. You’re not a playmate. You’re not a temporary babysitter. You are her aunt.

If you don’t feel like your sister will appreciate your legitimate feelings about this issue, then don’t go through her to adjust how your niece refers to you. After all, the Auntie / Niece relationship is yours to honor and celebrate together.

My suggestion is to refer to yourself as Auntie Jamie when you are around your niece. For example, “Come give Auntie Jamie a hug!” or “Malia, did you know I’m part of your family? I’m Mommy’s sister. That makes me your Auntie Jamie!” And when you’re not speaking with your niece directly, but are in her presence, refer to yourself as Auntie, just as you probably refer to her grandparents by their monikers. “Hey Grandma. Is there any cake left for Auntie?” Or “Papa, Malia said the sweetest thing about you to her Auntie earlier today…”

If your family gives you flack, just tell them that being Malia’s aunt is the most amazing thing in the world to you. Then inform them that you are going to show off this badge of honor every day by making sure everyone knows you’re her adoring Auntie Jamie.

Auntie Jamie, I completely agree with you.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin, Savvy Auntie
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6 Comments

BeezKneez said at 11:16 pm on Jun 10 2012

By the way, if they can't respect it, and won't help you I suggest that whenever you have her all to yourself, refer to yourself as Auntie Jamie as much as you can.. I never did it, but someone must have because one day the "Auntie" just showed up..
BeezKneez said at 11:12 pm on Jun 10 2012

One day my niece started calling me "Nic" and it was fine with me. Every one was in an uproar because she was calling me by my first name. I told them to chill, and that we'd get there when we get there. She's going to be 3 in 3 months, and she's been calling me Auntie Nic for several months now.. She'll come around.. but I would just explain that you would like to be called Auntie Jamie when she's around. It is VERY important to you, and they should respect that.. Not only because you're her Auntie, and you deserve it, but I was also raised to believe that it's the proper and respectful thing to do. I always called my Aunts Auntie. I'm 32 and I still do..
debm said at 9:24 pm on Mar 23 2012

My niece, now almost 12, also did not refer to me as Aunt Debbie until she turned about 6. I never asked her to but one day she just did it on her own. I think when they are little it just too much information for them to remember how they are related to each aunt uncle etc. Just be patient they will grow into it.
debm said at 9:24 pm on Mar 23 2012

My niece, now almost 12, also did not refer to me as Aunt Debbie until she turned about 6. I never asked her to but one day she just did it on her own. I think when they are little it just too much information for them to remember how they are related to each aunt uncle etc. Just be patient they will grow into it.
debm said at 9:24 pm on Mar 23 2012

My niece, now almost 12, also did not refer to me as Aunt Debbie until she turned about 6. I never asked her to but one day she just did it on her own. I think when they are little it just too much information for them to remember how they are related to each aunt uncle etc. Just be patient they will grow into it.
krystalska said at 8:24 pm on Mar 20 2012

I would be upset as well. My brother and his gf had my nephew a year ago and when i visit, they always address me as Auntie...never Crystal or Auntie Crystal...just Auntie. Its the same for my youngest brother, he is referred to as Uncle. So I say Auntie Jamie...you should tell them how you feel and just start calling yourself that when you see Malia. Or if you're going for a walk, ask Malia if she'd like to walk with Auntie Jamie or go to the park with Auntie :)

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