Are you happy are you, Savvy Auntie? The overall happiness of women has decreased over the last forty years, but men’s happiness has increased in the same time period.

Marcus Buckingham outlined the issues of women’s happiness in his new book Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently. Data from the last forty years show women have become increasingly unhappy despite an increase in the number of choices women now have in society, according to Buckingham.

Women have an abundance of choices, almost to an excess, and they have more domains where they’re supposed to excel, Buckingham said during a session at the recent Texas Women’s Conference.

The abundance of choices can lead to women feeling overwhelmed. The feelings of being overwhelmed start early. There has been an increase of teen-age girls experiencing higher levels of stress than their male counterparts, and stress leads to an increase of anxiety and acid reflux issues. So Savvy Aunties, check in with your older nieces about their stress levels.

Men’s happiness levels are tied to the increase of the Gross National Product, Buckingham said. In the future, men will eventually face the same dilemma and see their happiness levels decrease.

To find out why women have become unhappy, Buckingham studied women who described themselves as happy. “People who are excellent, no matter how different, will do things the same.”

With these women, he asked how often do you:

Do things you really like to do?
Feel positive anticipation when you start your day?
Get so involved in what you’re doing you lose track of time?
Feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?
Feel an emotional high in your life?

Happy women spent their time on building up and leveraging their strengths, said Buckingham, who also wrote Now, Discover Your Strengths and Go Put Your Strengths to Work. By focusing on their strengths, the women managed their weaknesses.

On the flipside, 73% of women try to fix their weaknesses instead of focusing and leveraging their strengths. With men, 50% say they want to fix their weaknesses, and the other half say they should leverage their strengths.

“If you focus on who you aren’t, that’s hard,” said Buckingham. “Grow where and how you learn best. If you want more purpose, more strength, you have to begin with that.”

American inventor and statesman Benjamin Franklin once said, “A wasted strength is like a sundial in the shade.”

Buckingham pointed out that too many women are languishing in the shade. “Shine a light on your strengths,” he said. “Then we see the glory of who you are.”

Our own Savvy Auntie

Just look to our own top Savvy Auntie Melanie Notkin. She is someone who has played her strengths into building a successful brand and business. Plus, she found a way to help women without children focus on what they are (aunts!) and not what they're not (moms).

By studying the happy women, Buckingham realized they share several characteristics.

Happy women don’t multi-task.

When men and women were asked to do two tasks at once, their IQs actually dropped by 10 points, Buckingham reported. Other research I have shows that multi-tasking actually decreases your productivity 20% to 40%.

More and more research about the pitfalls of multi-tasking and interruptions has been coming out of late, and I encourage my organizing clients to focus on completing one task at a time when possible. Just drive behind someone texting and driving to see that.

However, job descriptions still ask for someone who multi-tasks, and in those interviews, we happily say that we are the best multi-taskers EVER. Think “unitasking” over multi-tasking.

Happy women don’t juggle.

Juggling requires you to toss balls up in the air and catch them. The key, Buckingham said, is to throw, not catch.

I see the stress of trying to juggle too many balls in the air in my organizing clients – male or female. Delegate tasks. If you hate cleaning, hire a housekeeper. If funds are a problem, see what services you can barter for with friends and colleagues. You may need to eliminate tasks. As I heard from someone recently, “no” is a complete sentence. 

Buckingham’s research found that men feel less stressed with free time, but women, on the hand, feel stressed when they have free time.

Happy women don’t strive for balance.

What do you think of when you hear the word balance? Do you think of yourself standing on a tightrope with a tiny umbrella and an equally tiny net below? Buckingham points out that balance is really a precarious state. “Life is tilting and sloshing,” he said. 

If you don’t aim for balance, you will be less stressed. There are times when family issues come to the forefront and other times when work is calling. Just know that it’s perfectly okay for that to happen.

Happy women “catch and cradle.”

Buckingham encourages women to rely on moments and not over rely on goals, dreams and massive aspirations. “All of us are wired to draw strength from life,” he said. “Catch the moment. With moments, you feel the emotions of other people. Life throws moments at you.”

Those moments can invigorate you. “During a crisis, go back to those invigorating moments,” Buckingham said.

We are on the cusp of a new year and a new decade. What can you do to increase your happiness in your life for the coming year?