By Fiona Hurley
 
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
 
Do you enjoy reading, listening to music, solo hikes, and other solitary activities? Do you get exhausted when you spend time interacting with a lot of people? Do you dislike small talk but enjoy in-depth discussions about subjects that you are knowledgeable and passionate about? Or does your niece or nephew show these traits? If so, you could be an introvert or the auntie of an introvert.
 
Some of you might get defensive at this suggestion. Extraversion and sociability are highly valued in Western society, while introverts are assumed to be shy and antisocial. However, as Susan Cain explains in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, introversion has its own strengths. Introverts are often thoughtful, creative, and think before acting. They can concentrate for long periods without social stimulation. Without introverts, we would lack many of the artistic creations and scientific advancements that we enjoy today.
 
Cain uses two examples from the Civil Rights era to show how extraversion and introversion can both contribute to the betterment of society. Martin Luther King was an extravert whose powerful speeches moved the crowds. But Rosa Parks was an introvert who used her quiet strength to take a dignified stand against injustice.
 
How can you learn from Cain’s insights to understand yourself or your nieces and nephews?
 
Value Yourself, Introverted Auntie
 
If you are an introvert, your first task is to value yourself as you are. Introversion is not a defect; it is a normal personality trait that has many advantages.
 
When you are making career choices, remember that you contribute best when you play to your own strengths. Introverts gravitate towards fields that involve long periods of concentrated effort and thought: librarian, graphic designer, research scientist, software engineer. But you can also thrive in a career where you need to “act extraverted” at times; prepare well for these occasions, and allow for quiet periods so that you can recharge your energy.
 
When dating, you may feel at a disadvantage in a noisy bar, but you can shine at Internet dating. Suggest low-stress dating scenarios, such as museums or small restaurants. Talk to potential partners about your deep interests and ask them about theirs. Your ideal partner may be an extravert or a fellow introvert, but he should appreciate you with all your quiet charm.
 
Treasure Your Introverted Niece or Nephew
 
As aunties, we can support our introverted nieces and nephews by treasuring them for who they are. If you are also an introvert, share your own stories. If you are an extravert, explain how people have different personalities that complement each other.
 
Watch for when your introverted niece becomes stressed by social situations, and suggest that she takes regular time-outs. Don’t force your introverted nephew to engage in small talk, but discuss hobbies and passions with him. Tell your introverted niece about famous writers, scientists, and other introverts who made the world a better place. Bring your introverted nephew to the library or museum.
 
Give gifts that allow your introverted nieces and nephews to cultivate their passions. Books are gladly received by keen readers. Musical instruments and painting materials allow introverted children to express themselves. Provide Lego for the little inventor and science kits for the budding researcher.
 
Above all, be there for your introverted nieces and nephews. The world may not yet appreciate their unique strengths, but their aunties always will.
 
Further Reading/Viewing
 
-Susan Cain on TED talks
-Jonathan Rauch on Caring for your Introvert
-Rosa Parks, introvert and savvy auntie

Published: January 16, 2013