Texting, Self-Respect & Manolo Blahniks
Hi all Aunties! Welcome to the debut of "Whimsical and Wise!" Just like the kid gleefully bouncing around the toy store grabbing up every toy their little arms can carry, overcome with opportunity, is me, Auntie Steph, exuberantly burrowing through my index of hot topics on which, my darling nieces seek advice and support. Given the season of “summer lovin’” is upon us, let’s start with issues around dating.
Many of our nieces are at the tender age where negotiating the exhilarating and sometimes uncertain and scary world of dating consumes them. Often they seek us out, their wise and loving aunties for answers to questions like: “How come he won’t call me back?” or “Should I text him if he doesn’t text me?” and the dreaded “Do you think I am old enough to have sex?”
Oh, Lord! Sometimes these questions can throw off even the savviest of aunties because we so desperately want to say the right thing and provide surefire, solid advice. In the coming weeks, I’m going to address some of these hotbed issues in hopes of helping you give the best counsel possible not just for fun appropriate summer lovin’ but in guiding your little darlings onto the path of everlasting, mutually respectful, true love.
Should I text him?
Things sure have changed since I was a teenager. Social media is revolutionizing the way we interact. So let’s start with the question one of my nieces asked me not too long ago. "Should I text him to see what he’s up to? He hasn’t texted me."
Here's Aunt Steph's Platinum Rule (golden just isn't good enough!): You are a high-price ticket item, sister (er - niece)! You are not “for sale!” Your self-respect is not negotiable nor something you should allow to be "marked down" or put on the sale rack-EVER! Quite frankly, the likes of you are only found in stores like Niemen Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue! In case that wasn’t clear-NO, you should not text him “to see what he’s up to!” “Why?” she asked. Here’s why. Typically, if you are always the one to make contact, he is showing you how much effort he is willing to put into you and if he can’t even pick up the phone to text you (much less call-how old fashioned!) then why would you make the effort he isn’t?
Over the years, I’ve organized many a field trip to the bookstore with my nieces to buy them copies of my favorite books on dating like All the Rules and Steve Harvey’s recent bestseller Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. Mostly written for adult women, they do a fabulous job of laying a solid foundation for developing good dating habits from the get go.
Self-respect, ladies!
Just last night I was having this very conversation with one of my little darlings. She is 19 years old and finding her sea legs in the waters of dating. Consistently I say to her, “Sophia - (not her real name) - that's ok with you? Seriously, the effort he is putting into this is really ok with you?" After she sheepishly admitted it wasn't, I said to her, "Soph-my suggestion-focus on how special you are and remind yourself you are worth the hard work! Use this question as a barometer: Can I make this decision and still make room for my self-respect and dignity?”
I encouraged her to think of herself as an exclusive luxurious car-with limited room inside. First and foremost, she is the driver and anyone who wants to "car pool" will fit in ONLY after her self-respect and dignity are comfortably seated. If that can't happen, tell him to ride the bus or give him his walking papers!
Savvy Aunties - may I take this opportunity to encourage you to practice living this rule as well. You are worth working hard for and if someone isn’t willing to work hard for you-I’d advise you don’t work hard for him! It just never works. Your little darlings will follow in your footsteps so be careful what shoes you wear-worn out tennis shoes or Manolo Blahniks -choose wisely!
Next column-more tips on answering the dating queries. Hugs & Kisses!