For many of us PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids), the “NK” (no kids) part isn’t exactly voluntary.  I am one of those women.  Growing up Italian/Irish and Catholic, I was bred for motherhood and marvelously fortunate to have the consummate mother as a role model.  The perfect blend of Mother Theresa and Carol Brady- my Mom, Doris, sure made motherhood look good!   

Healing into “Aunt Steph”

After marrying my high school sweetheart, (the youngest of ten children, and an identical twin-so am I!) we fully expected our quest for parenthood to be a breeze!   Four years into our marriage, we took the plunge and suffice to say, it didn’t work.  We were classified as “unexplained infertility,” which meant on paper all systems appeared a go; but despite our best traditional and “non-traditional” attempts, it just didn’t work.  Our dream, was to conceive, birth and raise our own biological children.  While we respect enormously those who adopt, our pursuit for parenthood was more conventional.  After 5 years of infertility treatments, and trust me a rather lengthy and might I add poorly attended pity party for myself, I slowly began to heal- and at the center of that healing were my nieces and nephews.  

Sleepovers and Scavenger Hunts!

While I worked to resolve the loss of never being called, “Mommy” I began to revel in the splendor and gift of being Aunt Steph to 38 (all ABR - Auntie by Relation!).  From playing “make-up,” baking Christmas cookies, hosting Halloween “boo-fires” looking out over our meadow and pond, annual summer sleepovers and Christmas Scavenger Hunts, life as Aunt Steph shaped up unmistakably magical.  

Begging Your Indulgence

In honor of Savvy Auntie's Day, it is with pleasure and pride I share a copy of portions from an email one of my nieces recently sent me.  Her gift to me for Savvy Auntie's Day was permission to share it!  I preserved her adorable delivery-as it was never intended for a wider audience.   While I am wholly humbled by her words, Savvy Auntie's Day is the Mother’s Day I’ve never had and so, forgive me in advance for the indulgence.

AUNT STEPH...

A is for affectionate

U is for unique, understanding

N is for nice, night owl

T is for trustworthy, tough


S is for SUPER DI DUPER, sarcastic (in a good way!)

T is for talented, talkative

E is for elegant, excellent, ELF

P is for PHantastic, popular

H is for helpful, heroic

Aunt Steph,
You have really become my best friend in the past few years and I can honestly say I do not know what I would do without you!!! You’re a sister a best friend and a mom to me...oh yea and an aunt haha!! I’m so happy for you that you’re accomplishing your dreams and I hope one day i can do the same!!! You’ve been there for me through it all these past few years and I couldn’t ask for anything more!!!  You give advice in my best interest and aren’t afraid to tell m I screwed up (although I RARELY do!) I tell you everything about my life. There’s not even a name to describe what you are to me!! You’re a lifesaver!!  Words just can’t explain what you are for me. You’re everything. I honestly can’t go a week without talking to you or at least texting you

You mean the world to me and I don’t mean to be selfish but sometimes I think about how I’m sad for you that you aren’t a mommy because I know you wanted that more than anything then I think I’m not sad I'm happy because if you were a mom I wouldn’t have you in my life quite like I have you now!!! And I wouldn’t want to change our relationship for anything!!!  I mean you even share my affinity for elf culture!!! haha Sometimes I think about you and realize you’re me except a few years older. (I STRESS FEW!!!) I want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what and i love you so much!!!

Love,
YOU’RE FOR REALLLLLLL BFF -julie