Sheree Winslow is a leader and a writer and founder of WomenAtTheTables.com. As someone who has managed company operations and more than 1200 employees, she is passionate about helping women advance as leaders. She started Women At The Tables as a way to inspire and mentor women and girls who want to lead. You can connect with Sheree via email sheree@womenatthetables.com, through the Women At The Tables Facebook page or at WomenAtTheTables.com.
 
If you want to learn about dealing with workplace bullies, look no further than your own 10-year-old niece. This is the lesson I learned recently when working on an article for my website about women vs. women sabotage. As someone who wants to see more women fill boardrooms and executive positions, I am concerned about the way that I often see women treat one another at work, bringing down our collective confidence. At best, this behavior limits progress; but at times, it manifests itself as bullying.
 
Thinking about this topic brought forth a recollection from sixth grade and being isolated by my friends for a day or two at recess because I had been “bossy.” I have a natural desire to lead, but this situation had caused me to second guess my actions. I wanted to understand better this early socialization among girls on the playground, so I decided to interview my niece, Brittni.
 
Brittni has long wavy blonde hair that she likes to brush a lot. She thinks Liam of One Direction is ahw-some and torments her family by playing the boy band’s music repeatedly. She loves playing softball, but even more than that, she loves being on a softball team because of the camaraderie with her teammates. This week, and possibly just for this week, Brittni wants to own a bakery where she can put her love of both science and design into practice. She has an idea for a unique cupcake and frosting combination—a mystery flavor that I cannot reveal.
 
“I’m gonna be the boss when I get older,” she said bringing a huge smile to my face.
 
On a recent Sunday, before we engaged in a rousing game of Raving Rabbids competition on the Nintendo Wii, I asked her a few questions about how girls her age treat each other. Dressed in her quilt print maxi dress, she looked every part the young girl she was, enhancing my surprise at the wisdom her answers offered.
 
Last year Brittni and her best friend became the target of the schoolyard mean girl. Although they reported problems to the principal, the bully’s behavior was not addressed, and she regularly created problems for Brittni and her classmates. (For the purpose of this post, I will simply refer to the bully as “Bully” and have changed the name of Brittni’s friend to “Molly”).
 
Sheree: Do you remember any ways that Bully made fun of you?  What would she say?
 
Brittni: I don’t really remember because I tried to forget, and I did.
 
Sheree: Do you know it happens at work?
 
Brittni: No, I don’t.
 
Sheree: What do you think about the fact that women do this at work?
 
Brittni: I think it would make work a little harder.
 
Sheree: What will you do when you are the boss and other employees make fun of each other?
 
Brittni: Tell them to stop or they’re fired—but in a nice way.
 
Sheree: How does it make you feel when someone makes fun of you?
 
Brittni: It hurts a lot.
 
Sheree: Has anyone ever made fun of you; and they didn’t think you knew, but you did?
 
Brittni: Yes, because Molly told me that Bully was talking about me behind my back; and she told her to stop, but she wouldn’t. And then she started bullying Molly too.
 
Sheree: Why do you think Bully does that?
 
Brittni: Because her mom is really mean too. She’s taking after her mom.
 
For aunties everywhere—those who want to lead or those who simply want healthier workplace relationships—my discussion with my niece offers strategies that we can all use to counter workplace bullies and promote positive office cultures.
 
“I tried to forget, and I did.” This was Brittni’s response when I asked her what exactly had occurred with her bully. I acknowledge that this is sometimes easier said than done, but depending on your position and specific situation, the best approach may be to simply let go.  When someone makes personal attacks to undermine, she is exposing a flaw in her own character or behavior. With this understanding, acknowledging our pain or anger and then putting it behind us may provide the most benefit to our own psyches and physical wellbeing.
 
Call out the behavior. If you observe others engaging in women vs. women sabotage, calling out the behavior and explaining why it’s inappropriate may be all that is needed to affect change.  We’ve all been hurt on the playground of life at some point, and we need to raise awareness on this topic in order to adjust years of socialization. In many cases, women simply need a nudge in the right direction toward professional communication. This does not come without risk—standing up for others can make you the target for bullies, as it did for Brittni’s friend, Molly. However, you will strengthen your alliances with those you support while showing leadership and positive influence.
 
Lay down the law—in a nice way. If you are already in a leadership role, addressing these types of attacks is not simply a matter of being a good role model—it’s about managing your organization’s bottom line and effectiveness. Absenteeism, legal actions, and lowered worker productivity impact financial performance and hinder accomplishment of goals. Additionally, poisonous attitudes spread and negatively reflect on your results. Get rid of workplace toxins as soon as you can.
 
Report harassment or hostile workplace problems. If the behavior goes beyond the inappropriate comment to being harassment or the behavior of the aggressor crosses the line into creation of a hostile work environment, it should be treated as such. Refer to company policy and seek legal advice if someone’s unprofessional treatment of you or others is negatively impacting job performance.
 
Bring your “Auntie-ness” to work, and model the right behavior. While the above suggestions offer ways to counter negative situations, this final idea is meant to fight with positivity. Brittni said that she believed her Bully was modeling the behavior of her mother, who was mean. In my role as an auntie, I allow others to experience the best of my nature. I live my innate womanly need to nurture and provide my nieces and nephew with support, information, and applause that builds their confidence. By bringing this “Auntie-ness” to our daily office routines, we can positively impact workplace culture. Give your fellow colleagues support and encouragement to help build their esteem. Recognize their contributions, and let them know they are appreciated. Educate your teams or younger co-workers on the importance of supporting one another. Not only will you be nurturing those around you, but you will also be modeling behavior that others can follow.

Published: October 23, 2012