Rebecca Duger is the founder of uniquelydesigneditems.com and resides in Elbridge, NY


This April, after a long and unexpected constant year in the hospital l- in two states - I lost my husband of 16 years. The entire year was up and down. At times I thought he would live; at times I didn’t know.

And then I lost him.

My whole world shattered in hours. How can life go on? How can you keep going without your best friend in the world?

I am very blessed to have three nieces. I have a four-year-old niece and one-year-old niece from my sister, as well as my dearest friends’ little girl who was born in May. She is my “adopted” niece, though no less loved than my nieces by relation. When I look at her beautiful, new little baby face, I know there is still hope and love in the world.

When I play with my 4-year-old niece, who is full of the magic of life (and energy), I know why these girls need an aunt. And my 1-year-old niece just started to walk and do all the things 1-year-olds do, but I missed a big part of the first year of her life.

My husband and I had been with the transplant team at the University of Pittsburgh for six months. My sister kept us updated with pictures and videos, and we Skyped often so my husband and I could see our nieces. This time period was the first I had spent away from my family. I missed Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter with my nieces. It was especially difficult to miss my 4-year-old niece who had always picked out the pumpkins, visited us for Christmas cookies and Easter egg hunts.

Back to My Life

When I returned home, everything was overwhelming. While I was my husband’s primary caregiver when he was ill, I am also a PANK who owns her own business called Uniquely Designed Items and I had to get back into my business right after my husband was gone because I’m now a single income household. My time with nieces gives me the courage to start back to my business and life. This is not to say that it’s easy; it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. And sometimes, it’s very lonely.

So, at least once a week, I see my nieces. They bring the joy of childhood back into my life: chasing butterflies; eating ice cream; sleepovers. My 4-year-old niece understands that her uncle has gone to heaven. I’m not sure if she really understands where heaven is, just that her uncle is there. This is a lot for a little girl to take in, especially at times when she expects to see him like she used to. And, for the little baby, simply holding her is a miracle and wondrous thing. The moments remind me that life goes on.

Still, to all aunts going through a loss, I want them to know they are not alone in needing a break from their nieces and nephews (or the world). There are times that I just want time to process what is happening. I need those who love me to understand that I honestly can’t deal with everything.

As we approach autumn, and I know the holidays are coming, I have to realize that it’s OK if I need time alone. Even with all the magic of the holidays through my nieces, I will especially miss the unique and special holiday times that I had with my husband alone, just like I sometimes need time alone now because I miss the times we had. I miss the big things and the little things. But realizing it’s OK to feel this way is important. That’s how I recharge and am able to go back and be a better aunt to my nieces.

My Inspiration

I love that the girls are in different stages of life: a newborn; a baby; and a preschooler. They all have different and interesting personalities, and in their own way, remind me what life is like. They make me smile at the most unexpected moments when I think I can’t smile anymore. They make me laugh when I think I’ll never laugh again.

I can’t help but feel the joy of life through all three of my nieces. And they inspire me. I know as the years go on, all three of my nieces will be a balm to my soul and bring joy.

I only hope that I can help them to grow and bring them joy. I want to be an example, as a woman, that they can be whatever they want to be because they are each very special and unique.

Thank you F, J and S for helping me feel life and love even in the darkest time in my life!

My Story is a series of essays by Savvy Aunties, and those who have a special relationship with them, who have a story to share. To share yours, send a short email to Editor@SavvyAuntie.com with your story idea.

Photo: Rebecca Duger
Published August 24, 2016