It’s very discouraging to live with a disability day in and day out. Aunties of special needs kids know that enduring things like mental and physical pain can exhaust their challenged kiddo.  The rigorous schedule of therapies and doctor’s appointments also takes its toll, especially if little or no progress is made. Such circumstances can breed low self-esteem and hopelessness unless one is able to see the situation from a different perspective. My friend, Debbi, is one who has found the “different perspective.”

Debbi lives with two debilitating conditions--Generalized Dystonia and Tourette’s Syndrome. Dystonia is a neurological movement disorder. It causes her muscles to contract and contort her body in painful ways. Her Tourette’s forces her to expel verbal tics, sometimes at inconvenient moments like when she is in public. Anyone might look at Debbi’s condition and give her a “free pass” in life, but Debbi won’t accept it.  

Instead, Debbi recently began blogging. Through it she discovered that she has humor, wit, and great story-telling abilities. It has brought her a great degree of self-confidence as she grows with her writing and connects with people.

Not too long ago, Debbi credited me for enabling her to blog. Shocked by her acknowledgment, I asked her how I did that. Her response was simple but profound and insightful for Special Needs Aunties who want to help a niece or nephew become more than their handicap.

Be Their Confidence

Debbi expressed that it is difficult to feel capable when the whole world looks at you and declares that you are not. But, having spent many hours with her, it was obvious to me that Debbi had some incredible experiences and a knack for relaying these tales in an entertaining way. When I told her this, she originally listed some reasons why she couldn’t develop this skill, such as her hands cramping up when she held a pencil and her belief that no one cared about what she had to say. Once I reminded her that her hands didn’t cramp up when she typed and obviously some people did care (because I was someone that cared), she became more confident in her potential.

Patience Is A Virtue

Debbi also emphasized that patience played a big role in finding courage to explore her potential. She needed someone to stand by her while she learned. The difference was stand by her--not stand for her. I wasn’t needed to correct her at the earliest sign of imperfection. I wasn’t needed to shelter her from disappointment. Debbi explains that it was necessary to struggle on her own before assistance was offered. She wouldn’t have felt the sense of achievement had I been the one that set up her blog, posted her pictures, or worded her thoughts. Because she did this on her own, the victory was hers to own.  

Room To Fail

The last thing that Debbi told me was crucial. She needed me to give her room to fail. When I told her that she needed to blog for herself and not for other people, it gave her a sense of freedom. Suddenly, the topics didn’t have to suit others’ interests; she understood they needed to suit hers. And if no one other than me paid attention, it didn’t matter at all because the purpose was for her to learn more about her gifts.

I unconditionally loved her as a friend no matter what she wrote or how she wrote it. She had nothing to lose but much to gain. The freedom to mess up, recover, and try again without any fear of letting me down was a boon for Debbi. As a result, she found a therapy in her hidden talent.

I learned a lot through my discussion with Debbi. She opened my eyes and put into words things that had been abstract in my mind. But the lesson was crystal clear, being supportive in a journey of discovery was like handing four-leaf clovers to challenged people who felt down on their luck.