By Jill Emanuele, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center
Child Mind Institute

As part of my work with children and adolescents, I often hear the adults in their lives make wistful statements such as, “I want to be in the fourth grade again”, or “I wish my biggest worry was how to beat this video game,” or “Being an adult is highly overrated.” I may have even said one of these things myself on occasion. But while it’s true that adults typically have much bigger responsibilities to manage which cause us considerable stress, we shouldn’t forget that children and teens can also experience major stresses that can become quite impairing and negatively affect their daily lives.

What is stress, other than a feeling we have? We see, hear, and speak this word so often that, for many of us, the concept is as regular a part of our day as the words “work” and “texting”. How often do we actually pause to think about stress, what it does, and how we manage it?  

April is National Stress Awareness Month, so we have an opportunity to really look at stress and how it affects all of us, particularly the kids in our lives. Stress can be defined as the body’s response to an emotional or physical challenge, also known as a stressor.  Although the response initially lies within our physical body, the stressors that we encounter also affect our mind and overall wellbeing. The way we think about stress also affects the way we experience it. It is essential that children learn to cope effectively with stressors, think about the stress response constructively, and therefore succeed through the challenges of development. Stressors can range from mild, like getting a disappointing grade on a test, to severe, such as the death of a loved one, but they are all a part of life that children must learn to accept.

On the other hand, our response to stress can become toxic.  Many situations that cause stress, such as being bullied in school or marital problems, do not resolve quickly. We can also experience a large number of stressors at once.  As a result, both adults and children can become chronically overwhelmed, leading to a long-term, negative impact on physical and emotional health.

As my own niece and nephew get older, they are encountering stressful situations more frequently, such as navigating friendships and dealing with increasing academic demands.  As a person and a clinician I understand the impact of chronic stress, and so I think about what I can do to assist in their successful development. How can a Savvy Auntie contribute to helping nieces and nephews deal with stress without becoming stressed out? Here are some suggestions to get you started:

    •    Recognize the warning signs: Signs of stress depend on age and developmental level, but they also vary widely depending on the individual. Young people may not openly verbalize or even recognize that they are stressed. In general, children may complain of bodily pains, have changes in appetite or sleep patterns, have mood swings, begin wetting the bed, or have difficulty paying attention. Adolescents, in particular, may demonstrate some of the same signs as children, but also more typically withdraw, begin engaging in risky behaviors such as using drugs, or become more irritable and angry. Because the signs vary considerably, be on the lookout for a change in a child’s typical behavior, physical health, or emotional reaction to events.

    •    Be yourself – Children benefit tremendously from consistency in their lives, including regular visits with aunts and uncles, who can easily serve as a role models and mentors.

    •    Help them unwind and decompress! There are many engaging and fun ways to help children and adolescents relax and feel more in control of their lives. For example, engage in physical activities including yoga, stretching, or tale a stroll around the neighborhood. Give them strategies for coping with stressful situations such as taking deep breaths and thinking about a happy time. Read a book together. Suggest, and also model, taking a break from electronics.

    •    Encourage them to talk and open up – Ask nieces and nephews what’s on their mind, and actively listen to them. Provide examples of when you have faced stressful times and how you dealt with it. Give them praise, positive compliments, and hugs if wanted.  

    •    Model self-care – Demonstrate good self-care by getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking care of your own stress. Model a positive attitude for nieces and nephews.  

    •    Give their parents some time to relax – It’s well established that children thrive when their parents are thriving. Give parents some relaxation time of their own by spending time with nieces and nephews.  

    •    Encourage help-seeking – If your niece or nephew is facing considerable struggles and is not showing relief over time, talk to the parents about seeking professional help such as psychotherapy.  

    •    Laugh! – Frequently and often.

Need a place to start? Check out Sarah Kaufman’s article on ways to de-stress without breaking the bank.

Photo: Torrey Wiley via Flickr cc
Published: April 16, 2014