By Jaime Herndon

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly one in five women and one in seven men who report a history of rape, physical violence, or stalking, have also reported first experiencing partner violence between the ages of 11 and 17. Recent studies have found that the most common forms of teen dating violence is verbal abuse, relational abuse, physical abuse, and sexual violence. An abusive relationship can cause shame, depression, low self-esteem, and even increase the risk of unsafe sexual behavior.

So how, as aunts, can we help, without sounding overbearing or lecturing? If you’re in a relationship, model healthy behaviors for your niece or nephew. If you guys are watching television and an example of dating or relationship violence occurs, take that opportunity to casually bring up the topic and ask them what they think about what they just saw. Explain why even verbal abuse in a relationship is not healthy, and how it may lead to other forms of violence. In the news lately, unfortunately, there have been plenty of news stories about relationship violence. You can bring up a news topic and talk it over with them. Tell them what to do if they think they may be in an abusive relationship. Offer them websites like Love is Respect, which addresses topics like healthy dating, what positive relationships look like, and also talks about LGBTQ relationships. There are resources posted, like chatlines, legal help, and what to do in the present relationship.

Talk with their parents about modeling healthy relationships, and let them know you’ve broached the topic with their teen. It’s a hard topic to discuss, and one that’s difficult to think about in relation to someone we love. But teen dating violence can be well-hidden, which makes the subject even more important. Let your niece or nephew know that you’re there if they need you, or even if they just want to talk about dating or relationships.  Most importantly, let them know that if they are being victimized, or are ever victims of violence, that you will believe them, and that it’s not their fault.

Here are some teen-friendly resources to share with your niece and nephew:

Dreamland, by Sarah Dessen. Dessen is one of my favorite authors, and her books don’t shy away from tough subjects, even though they’re young adult. In this book, Caitlin and Rogerson have been dating, and it’s great. Except slowly, the relationship turns abusive. The story expertly shows how friends and family react and observe dating violence, and what it’s like to be in a relationship that you’re unsure of.

GLBTQDVP Domestic Violence Project

Rage by Julie Ann Peters. Johanna starts dating a girl she’s always loved, so why does she make her feel so bad about herself?

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. The book starts at the end: Hannah has committed suicide. Clay comes home from school one day to find a package of 13 cassette tapes made by Hannah, explaining her actions. The journey the tapes set him on is one you’ll never forget.

Published: October 22, 2014

Photo: tuelekza