What to Do When your Young Niece Is Dressing Older than her Age
By Stephanie Dowd, The Child Mind Institute
There’s no denying that kids today are in a hurry to grow up. Caring a lot about hair and makeup and how they look is normal for tween girls. In today's culture, when kids—even young kids—are bombarded with images in the media about what's considered beautiful and cool, it's hard for them not to be concerned with how they look. Unfortunately, these images in the media are often suggestive and provocative. Younger kids, including tweens, often don't have the cognitive development to understand the potential risks of dressing provocatively. This is where aunts come in.
If your nieces parents and you are worried about how your niece is dressing, talk to her about your concerns. For example, you can tell her that as a tween or teen, it's important to wear clothes that aren't too revealing, because it shows that she respects her body and that others should, too.
Of course, you should also try to be understanding. Remember that by focusing on her appearance and her style, she's trying to figure out who she is. This is normal for tweens and teens and it’s a way for them to "try on" different identities or personalities, to figure out which feels right. However, that doesn't mean that everything your niece chooses to wear is age appropriate. Let her know that you want her to express herself, but within reason. Maybe you can suggest she "play dress up" within the comfort and privacy of her own home, but not wear certain things in public.
She might disagree with what you're saying, and that's OK. Let her know you understand that she thinks certain styles are okay, but as her aunt, you don't think they are appropriate. Consider offering a compromise—maybe you can take her shopping to find some new clothes that she thinks are cool and you and her parents also think are okay.
If your niece wants to feel older, it is pretty understandable—a lot of us felt that way as kids, too. If you remember feeling that way, let her know. But try to emphasize the good things about being young, as well. For example, she has less responsibility, school is manageable, and her only real job is to have fun. Once she's older and in high school, there will be more demands at school and chores to do around the house.
The Child Mind Institute is devoted to transforming mental health care for the world's children to enable them to reach their full potential.
Published: October 22, 2014
Photo: Shutterstock