By Dr. Rachel Busman, Child Mind Institute

The holiday season is starting. This usually brings up a lot of feelings, including excitement about seeing friends and family. It may involve counting down days until everyone travels, or bustling about to get a home ready for guests. Either way, with the excitement, can come stress. Will there be enough food? Did we forget to pack something? Where will everyone sleep?

When kids are involved, the excitement may be even more intense. Not surprisingly, there can also be more stress. We, as adults, often reminisce about how holidays were when we were kids and can transfer some of that good energy to the kids around us. We can also, inadvertently, transfer our anxiety about the holidays to kids as well.

Here are some tips for Savvy Aunties to make the holidays more fun and less stressful. As always, it’s a good idea to check with the parents before implementing any strategies.

1. Get kids involved – If you are getting ready for a big family dinner, let your nieces and nephews help! Some of my fondest memories involve my sister making place cards (starting from the time she was a 3 year old and continuing well past high school!). Now my nephew has taken on this job and loves it. Let kids help fold napkins or get involved with the cooking. It’s fun for them and will be helpful for you too! It also gives you a nice opportunity to demonstrate why the holidays are important (“We are making this cake. It’s a special recipe of Grandma’s”).

2. Manage expectations -You may be really excited about a long, drawn-out dinner with family or friends, where you can sit and catch up on stories. However, remember that kids have limits. Young children definitely can’t sit for a long time and older kids will get bored. It’s totally reasonable to expect your niece or nephew to sit at the table and participate appropriately for their age. However, no one will judge you if you let the kids go play after they eat. You will likely have more fun yourself if you are not worrying about the kids and their table manners.

3. Keep routines - It’s expected that kids will stay up later and eat more than their usual share of sugar when visiting relatives or when guests come over. But kids need routine, even when they protest. My sister and I are flexible about what the kids eat and don’t micromanage things too much. However, when we see the kids getting antsy, she and I bathe them, have them get into pjs, and turn on a movie. We know when they need to wind down and, again, no one judges us for excusing ourselves from the table to do these things. In fact, my sister and I enjoy some great conversations during this time.

4. Accept help - In our society, there is often some unspoken rule that you have to do everything on your own. If you are hosting, accept help. The holiday will go more smoothly when you are not placing unreasonable expectations on yourself. Ask family members to play a game with the kids or take care of the turkey while you tackle another task. Have everyone help clear the table and help with dishes. When my stepfather offers to help clean up, I gladly accept.  

5. Make new traditions - The holiday this year doesn’t have to go exactly as it did last year and it doesn’t have to be the same as when you were a kid. If your nieces and nephews wanted to sing some songs or put on a play last year and don’t this year, find new things they can do that make the holiday fun. Be flexible with the expectations you place on the kids and you. This year, for one of the Jewish holidays, we let the kids have their own table in the living room where they did crafts while they munched veggies. It was different, but it ended up being really fun.

Published: December 9, 2014