By Katelyn Fry

Like many of you, from the moment my nieces and nephew were born, I’ve had this instinctive desire to protect them from anything and everything that could ever hurt them. We do our best, but inevitably, sometimes they will face challenges that we can’t shield them from. I recently learned this from personal experience. My 15-year-old niece is going through her first breakup and heartbreak.

I’m sure many of you remember your own first heartbreak, and how earth-shattering it was to our innocent, inexperienced hearts and minds. And that's exactly why while helping my niece through her heartbreak, I realized that my own lost love stories were helping me help her get through hers.

Taking a moment to reflect on my first heartbreak, I reminded myself how she is probably feeling: angry; upset; confused; hurt; betrayed; lost - and probably a combination of them all. During my first heartbreak, I didn’t think anything that anyone could say to me could possibly make me feel any better. I just wanted to shut the world out because I thought, “No one understands!"  That's why when I approached my niece, I wasn't offended or about to give up if she wasn’t too willing to talk right away. She was feeling a whole new world of emotions for the very first time, and I understood that while she may not know it then, she really needed me to be patient.

Once I was able to put myself in her shoes, I seized the opportunity to take the focus off of her and her pain. I told her about my own first love and first break-up, and I didn't hesitate to give details! The more honest I was with her, the more I found her likely to reciprocate. I took advantage of my role here; as her ConfidAunt, the aunt she confides in, she was more comfortable sharing certain information with me than with her parents or even her friends.

They need to know their feelings are valid

I told her about how over-the-moon I was for my first love and how I had made that love my whole world, and how we shared our first kiss. I shared how post-break-up, it's not uncommon to want to lock yourself in your room for days, go through five tissue boxes, break the picture frame that had the two of you in it, throw out all the mementos you shared, etc. I learned that our nieces need to know that their feelings are valid and understood – and that they aren't crazy for feeling so distraught.

I told my niece how after each break-up I had, I eventually realized how much better off I was because of it. Love-stricken young adults may not want to hear this, or that they’ll find someone else. It's often the last thing they are going to believe or agree with. But, if we take her ex off the pedestal in her imagination, it will not only help our niece move forward but probably get her to finally crack a smile.

Finally, I found one of the best ways to ease her pain was to distract her from it. I tried to get her mind off of the breakup by getting her out of the house and engaged in something else. I realized it was best to not take "No" for an answer! Heartbreak is paired with a total unwillingness to do anything but sulk. But I wouldn't allow her to fall into this trap, whether it was taking her to her favorite restaurant, shopping, or the timeless and classic idea of watching a bunch of sappy movies together, opening a few cartons of ice cream, and curling up on the couch for the ultimate heartbreak-sleepover at my place.

It will never be easy to watch our nieces go through this painful rite of passage, but there’s one thing I do know. A Savvy Auntie ConfidAunt can help them overcome it.

My niece is doing better, by the way. She is now well-versed in all of Hollywood’s break-up go-to films, and already has her eye on someone new for her school’s holiday dance. ;)

Photo: Lopolo
Published: November 16, 2016