In November 2009, I lost my baby girl at 34 weeks of pregnancy. My whole world fell apart. The journey to healing is long and has been like a roller coaster ride: some days are good, some days are bad. What has helped tremendously is the support of family and friends.

In July 2009, my best friend gave birth to her baby boy, Michael. He truly is a miracle baby. We had been waiting for him for many years. I was ecstatic when Lise asked my husband and me to be Michael’s Godparents. I knew I would spoil this little guy, with love just as much as with toys. Lise and I had visions of our children growing up together and becoming good friends... just like us.

After Adelle’s passing, dreams of play-dates disappeared along with many other "what could have been" moments I had so anxiously anticipated. I admit guiltily, that my heart physically hurts when I see a pregnant woman or a baby. So, I was getting increasingly nervous about my relationship with little Michael. It’s not that I stopped loving him it’s just that he was a baby and a part of a life that I had wished for so badly.  

So, when Lise called a few weeks ago to see if she could come for a visit (she lives 4 hours away and had been feeling helpless in trying to help me because she had not seen me since November), I was hesitant to say yes. I wanted to see her. She had been through two miscarriages and understood somewhat what I was going through. But, she couldn’t come by herself... hubby needed to drive and Michael is way too young to babysit himself. After much deliberation, I agreed that they could visit. Lise assured me that if it was too difficult once they got here that they would find somewhere else to stay.

Michael and his parents arrived early last week. I had been doing nothing all morning except for feeling nervous and hoping I wouldn’t "lose it" when I saw Michael. I had worried for nothing. When Lise’s husband carried Michael in, I immediately wanted to hold him. I breathed a sigh of relief. Michael was Michael. He was always meant to be my Godchild and nephew. I love him very much and that will never change. Being an auntie is a gift and I have embraced it. Michael is like the flower poking its head through the wintery snow. He’s my little glimmer of hope and I know that I will need him as I continue along my path to healing...

My name is Mireille and I am the mommy of an Angel in Heaven and "angel" Michael on Earth. Follow my journey on my blog, "Adelle – Our Angel Baby."