Bullying prevention can probably be seen at least a half dozen times a day on anyone’s given social media feed. As a Savvy Auntie to the world, part of my career has always been in youth empowerment through my work with education, youth programming, and, now, a budding non-profit organization. You may be an actual aunt, an unofficial fairy Godmother, a teacher, mentor, or counselor. This information on nurturing emotionally aware kids is for you to use in whatever way you AUNTIE UP!

Bullying is not new. We just have more information channels open to us to hear about it. What is at the core of bullying is not going to change until we teach emotional literacy and emotional intelligence in our schools as intently as we teach science, math and history.

Prevention misses the mark. I imagine that our nieces, nephews, and kids we love have almost all, in some way, been affected by this issue. Unfortunately, the prevention tactics really make me cringe. Our society is hopped up on prevention programs of all the things that plague us from health to finance to relationships. We always seem to skip the core question: What is the social condition at the CAUSE of the problem, and how can we teach people as early as possible to be more empathetic towards the feelings of others?

In an effort to avoid getting too clinical, for support on what I am about to share, please refer to this article by Daniel Goleman on emotional literacy

Kids brains are STILL GROWING! The part of the brain that controls social and emotional responses is not fully developed until a person is in their mid-20s. Expecting kids to understand how to process emotions like we do is like asking a baby who just learned to walk to run a 5K. They aren’t there yet! They could be, but it will take time.

Empathy can be taught! When young people can learn to develop empathy, they can begin to understand their own emotions and the emotions of others. If no one ever taught you math, would you just know how to do it? No. Will we eliminate bullying? Probably not, but we can create conditions that may decrease incidences in the future.

But how do we, as Savvy Aunties, teach empathy? Schools are way behind on embracing this learning in the classroom because they can’t quantify it. Like the business world, the bottom line can often rule the day. How can you grade kindness? Regardless of the research that shows that character and resilience can be a bigger indicator of long term success than IQ, we are fighting an uphill battle. As smart savvy Aunties we can change the game with a simple suggestion that doubles as an Auntie outing:

Service & Volunteering: The back door solution to empathy education!
For over 10 years I taught emotional literacy through service learning. It occurred to me to start documenting the emotional growth and learning of each student.  What did I notice? As young people were serving the homeless, elderly, those with special needs, they were developing a critical component to emotional literacy: Empathy. This was made evident in their critical reflection every year over the course of four years that they required to do a service project.

Take your favorite kid on a volunteer excursion: A Quick Guide

1. Have a conversation with the young person to ask them what they might enjoy doing. If they are older they might have a cause they are passionate about.

2. Check out local volunteer networks, food pantries, and community centers for opportunities that might appeal to your favorite kid

3. Some suggestions:

• Nursing Home visits

• Special Needs Kids Buddy Programs

• Soup Kitchens

• Food Pantries

• Animal Shelters

4. Make sure the activities are age appropriate but that are direct experiences (i.e. not fundraisers or walks. These are great but it’s harder to get the lesson from them!)

5. Plan a service experience and coordinate with parents and other family members.

6. Important! Reflect: When it is over, engage in a conversation that helps the young person to articulate learning. You can also make collages and art projects after depending on age or preference. Here are a few questions to ask:

• So what was your favorite part about today?

• What did you learn about yourself and volunteering?

• Would you like to do this again and why?

What does this have to do with bullying? Take a moment and recall the movie the Karate Kid. Remember Wax on, Wax off? It seemed like Daniel was being taught to wax cards, but he was really being taught a skill to help him be a karate master. The art of serving develops empathy which breeds kids who are more aware of their emotions. Increased empathy can decrease inflicting harm on others as a reaction to one’s own emotions. Serve it up!

Photo Credit: Ambro

Published: October 1, 2014