It’s that time of year again, Aunties. School is ending and graduations are commencing, and summer is just around the corner. That usually means more time with nieces and nephews. I know I’m in the midst of figuring out when my two nephews and niece can head out to the East Coast. The pressure is on to find what to do with a bunch of teenagers! But before we stress about hurrying to make plans for enjoying the warm weather or scurrying to make reservations for trains, planes or – as in my case – amusement parks, it’s also time to recognize that aunts need to get grounded, too.
 
It may be challenging to manage all the plans, but there are simple and effective strategies we can practice. I know when I’ve got a brood of teenagers visiting, it’s chaos, and having enough food always seems to be my biggest worry!  
 
The order of the day is a simple practice of tuning in. This requires stillness, rest and the commitment to self-care. The first step is to decide to be the calm, cool and collected auntie.
 
Here are two easy ways to get started.
 
1. Belly Breathing
 
Diaphragmatic breathing or breath focus is taking slow deep breaths that fill the bottom of the lungs. Many women get in the habit of shallow breathing because they’re always on the go or multitasking. A good image to think about when practicing slow, natural breathing is a baby at rest. Imagine your niece or nephew as a sleeping baby in your arms. Remember that? You can see their little tummy moving up and down with ease. Or, think about a cat on a warm windowsill and its belly slowly rising and falling in the luxury of the sunlight.
 
This kind of breathing elicits what is known as the “relaxation response.”  It is a state of relaxed passive attention to the breath and body, which decreases the typical stress reactions of daily life. Focused breathing turns off the inner dialog, too. This state of relaxation is what many practitioners of mindful meditation or Eastern traditions have been practicing for thousands of years.
 
Here’s a script to make it easy.
 
Take a few deep breaths.
In and out.
In and out.
You may even exhale a long “ahhhhh…”
 
Now take a few moments to relax your body.
Invite your muscles to soften.
Allow your body to loosen.
 
Right now you don’t need to be anywhere else.
Just be here.
There’s nothing you need to do.
There’s no place you need to go.
 
Just focus on your breathing.
Feel the sensation of your breath.
Maybe it’s fast. Maybe it is slow. Or maybe it’s even.
It doesn’t matter.
Simply pay attention to how it feels, without analyzing it.
 
Notice how the breath feels when you inhale.
Notice how it feels when you exhale.
 
Notice the sensations in your body as you breathe.
You may become aware that your chest or belly is rising and falling.
Perhaps you feel your heart beating.
Simply notice the breath and the feeling of being alive.
 
Ahhhhh……
 
2. Mini-Meditations
 
Meditation is about focused attention. That’s all! It involves turning your attention inward. You have choices on ways to do this. Here are just a few:
 
Breath Focus. A repetitive focus on your breathing, noticing the in and out breath or counting along with each breath.
 
Word Focus. Quietly repeating a simple word, phrase or prayer. The state of prayer in various religious traditions is a contemplative practice that also elicits the relaxation response. But you don’t need to be religious. A phrase could be, "I breathe in peace (slow inhale), I breathe out love (slow exhale).”
 
Mindfulness. An awareness of your presence in the moment without judgment. Let your inner critic take a back seat. You may add in a self-kindness mantra, too. “May I be calm and joyful. May my family be calm and joyful.”

Visualization. Imagining a scene that is comforting for you, such as the beach or stream of water or bright healing light that relaxes your body and your mind.
 
When you begin to understand that meditation is simply focusing on the breath or a pleasant visualization, it no longer seems so challenging. The more you practice the more you will see that you feel grounded.
 
A good practice is to do “mini-meditations” throughout the day, which is basically taking several deep belly breaths over the course of a few minutes. For instance, every time you hit a stop light, take several deep breaths. Count to 4 on the inhale and reverse the count on the exhale. Or try a mini-meditation before walking into your boss’ office, when paying the bills or, as is the inevitable, when the nieces and nephews are screaming over something.
 
3. Self-Care is Good for You
 
Your state of mind sets the frame for your attitudes and how you respond to situations. A daily practice builds up resilience. Your breath becomes the easiest and most effective tool to manage any rising symptoms of stress. And it’s no cost and low-tech!
 
So, dear Auntie, the best way to prepare for summer and its endless possibility and events is to first take care of yourself. You’ll be better equipped to care for everyone else too!
 
Check out Dr. Tara’s Self-Compassion Kit.

Photo: RelaxingMusic via Flickr cc
Published: June 3, 2014