Uncle Jeff takes a break from the spoilage to reflect on what spoils everything.


Let’s digress a little bit into the role of humans with failings and foibles.

Into the role of people who take sides, people who have favorites.

Ultimately into the throne of supreme rulers who lord our judgement over others because we know we’re right.

What’s this all about? This haughtier than thou talk? It’s about my role as an uncle who may have lost patience the other day for some snot-nosed brat.

That’s right, I got annoyed at some whiny little kid who was thankfully not one of my nieces or nephews.

No, I didn’t embarrass myself or intervene in the child’s upbringing. I didn’t even offer some sage advice to the parents - although they could have used some guidance.

What I did was breathe deeply, count to 47 and then smile at my luck in having siblings who aren’t populating the world with annoying future adults.

But what if you’re not so lucky? What if your sister spoils her kids, or your brother tries to turn his little slugger into a tech geek?

It’s simple. Just be the best uncle you can be.

“How’s that?” you ask. I’ll tell you.

When you got into this uncling business you understood the limitations of your influence.

You can give and treat and teach all you want, but at the end of any session your niece and nephew go back to their parents. You can’t undo that.

What you can do is teach without preaching; give without spoiling; and guide without dictating.

A few examples...

Teaching without preaching is easy. Just live your life as you normally would. Well, not as you would around your friends but as you would around any impressionable people.

Say your please and thank-you’s, play nice with your own brothers and sisters (yes, nieces and nephews pick up on sarcasm pretty well), and offer to help out around the house.

Your own siblings might wonder what demons have possessed you, but observant young eyes will start to emulate their favorite uncle and you’ve already been teaching them how to be better kids.

No Spoilage...

In past columns I’ve been all excited about lavish gifts for good little boys and girls. I’ve urged you to be the wizard of wows and to present a little excess on your nieces and nephews.

That’s usually my model, but if your goal is a well-rounded and thankful child, choose your gifts with more care.

By the way, this works for everyone in your life, but that’s another column.

So, instead of buying the fantasy-camp vacation for little George or the cameo on Project Runway for Sophie, get them a new baseball and a visit to the nail salon.

These are gifts that still show you care while making it clear that you’re not giving them the world.

Dictators Need Not Apply

Telling a kid what to do is a quick way to find yourself being ignored. Children, like grown-ups, are reticent to listen to your list of demands or commands. Try a softer approach.

The do-as-I-do approach is usually the best.

If you want your nephew to go to bed, act as if you’ve got to get home to get to bed. Really, it works.

If you want your niece to brush her teeth after a snack, bring a toothbrush with you on visits.

The upside to these lessons is that the parents will also give you more leeway if they see that the kids are learning good lessons from you.

It’s actually pretty simple to keep your nieces and nephews from becoming jerks. Just pay a little more attention to the brats you see out in public and make a little vow to help your little relatives rise above.

Who said uncling was always going to be easy? Not me. But most of the time it’s gonna be fun.