Special Guest Post: Tara Cousineau, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, mother, and aunt. She is founder of BodiMojo.com for teenagers, a health engagement platform for teens leveraging web and mobile technologies to inspire healthy living. Parents and mentors can subscribe to BodiMojo’s HAP*Y Pact reward program for teens. The use of BodiMojo.com by teen girls has shown to have a significant effect on improving girls’ attitudes about their own body image. Tara also blogs at BodiMojo.com/blog and TeensInBalance.com.

There’s one thing aunties of teens can do well that parents can’t really do–mentor their teenage nieces and nephews. The emotional lighting rod that can ensue between parents and their teenage child can just be too charged. Aunties, on the other hand, have the privilege of being two or more degrees separated. That’s enough distance to be the cool confidant—on relationship issues or the savvy surveyor of Facebook postings, for instance.  

Believe me. I’m the aunt of two nephews and a niece, ranging from 11 to 13, and recently found myself giving a life lesson on the difference of being smart vs. a smarty-pants on Facebook. I‘m also a mom of teens and expect my sister to do the same for my girls.

It’s nice to be one step removed. It takes the pressure off. Parents have this dilemma ensuring their child’s success, safety and health. When children become teens, such oversights, no matter how caring and supportive, can seem intrusive to a teen. We’ve all been there—we love and hate our parents at the same time. The enlightened parent wants to be chummy with their teens, share life experiences, and show them the way. Sometimes this is just not a good thing for a parent—it paves the way for the teens to throw it back: “Well, you drank in high school!”

At the same time, it’s the parent's job to be a disciplinarian. That makes for some role confusion for parent and teen (friend or foe?). Better leave the adolescent missteps and stories to others relatives. In fact, when it comes to the stories of high-risk behavior from days of old, it’s better that trusting adults keep the details to themselves and work out some strategies to talk about the hard stuff with the teen in their life (Partnership for a Drug Free America has some excellent tips). Personally, I’ve found car rides to be the best place for a chat with teens–less eye contact, but a captive audience.

Who better to model the struggles of adolescence and foster the ideals of a future self than a beloved auntie? Research in the social sciences on role models clearly demonstrates the important role of a “non-parental adult” who models positive behaviors. I know from my years of psychotherapy practice that when a person can identify at least one kind and caring person—whether it be an aunt, uncle, grandparent, teacher, or neighbor, that the likelihood of healing or overcoming life obstacles is greater.  In fact, when adolescents can identify one positive role model, they are apt to have high self-esteem and better grades; and this correlation is stronger when the role model is someone the teen knows.  Sport figures and other do-gooder celebrities have their influence, but the closer to home the relationship, the more meaningful. Caring relatives and adults can be a lifeline for a troubled adolescent or a teen at risk due to socioeconomic or other personal factors.  Research shows that teens who name role models in their lives, are less likely to engage in early or unprotected sex, violence and substance use.

Moreover, teens with role models of the same gender–aunts and nieces, uncles and nephews–may especially benefit from the relationship. Adolescence marks a sensitive phase when roles, identity and independence are solidifying, and a fun-loving, connected Auntie can play a significant part in the teen drama for girls—an advisor on friendships, dating, body image, health, and prom dresses. As my niece would say, “How cool is that?”

Tara Cousineau, PhD, is the founder of BodiMojo.com for teenagers.

Published: June 15, 2011