Special Guest Post: Tara Cousineau, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, mother, and aunt. She is founder of BodiMojo.com for teenagers, a health engagement platform for teens leveraging web and mobile technologies to inspire healthy living. Parents and mentors can subscribe to BodiMojo’s HAP*Y Pact reward program for teens. The use of BodiMojo.com by teen girls has shown to have a significant effect on improving girls’ attitudes about their own body image. Tara also blogs at BodiMojo.com/blog and TeensInBalance.com.

Here’s the thing. Women never really embrace a positive body image. Those that do are among the lucky few. There’s a name for it: normative discontent. Yes, we women become accustomed to disliking our bodies over our lifespan. The small consolation: as women get older their body acceptance goes up. Well, it may be that we just give in to the fact that we’ve inherited our body shape and have to make do with what we’ve got.

Of course, this discontent starts very early in life when little girls are imprinted with images of Disney princesses and the like. Even for those girls who shed the cultural norm during the hardy elementary school years, the cliques of middle school throw it back.

I was very proud when my older daughter decided, at age 3, to be Buzz Lightyear for Halloween.  I felt that my years embracing girls’ empowerment, postmodern feminism and the psychology of women had—by virtue of some familial osmosis—influenced the neophyte psyche of my daughter. Not so.

Skip ten years later and my 13-year-old is donning the tween uniform of Hollister and Abercrombie, tight tees and “cute butt” sweat pants. She’s fighting the unspoken battle of acceptance and conformity, reinforced by half-clad store models and soft porn images on posters and shopping bags. (It’s not any easier for boys. My nephew, who has a great head of hair with a new layered cut, is a shoe in for Justin Bieber).

How can the Aunties in a girl’s life help protect against the flood of unrealistic cultural ideals and embrace their own unique female body type—one they don’t even know they have yet? Below are some things to consider in ushering our teen nieces into womanhood:

Family Ties: Help your nieces understand the influence of genetics. Explain to them that they will likely inherit you or your sister’s body types, or those of other female members of the family. They don’t have control over their eventual adult body shape, but they do have control over how they treat their bodies and their health habits.

Good Fat: Girls need to understand that a healthy weight and body fat is needed to function normally. Girls can gain 20-40lbs during puberty and they typically reach their adult height by age 14.

Health Habits: A healthful diet and consistent physical activity every day is the best way maintain normal body weight. There is no need to calorie count if these basics are in place. Encourage healthy habits by suggesting one on one runs, yoga, or other sporty activities together—a great way to fit in some QualAuntie time.

Sticks & Stones: The pull to judge others by looks is so strong that young adolescent girls may not even realize they are being critical. It’s helpful to coach your niece to see other positive qualities in themselves, not just those related to appearance. Leading by example and not judging yourself too harshly in the looks department will help immensely, Auntie.

Media Literacy: Help your niece understand that ads, commercials, and fashion catalogs are selling something and help them figure out what it is (beauty products, clothes, movie tickets, etc.) and how the companies are doing it (images of healthy lifestyle, wonderful relationships, and fabulous faces). The images we see in print are digitally modified. Explain that less than 5% of American women fit the fashion ideal of the tall skinny model. The rest of us fit in the other 95%—the majority of women.

Identity: Girls are experimenting with how they look and the activities they are interested in. They need room to explore and a safe space to maneuver in, be the ConfidAunt they need and encourage self-expression (as long as it doesn’t conflict with parental boundaries).

Role Models: Healthy relationships are ones of mutual respect. Women need to role model boundaries and help identify troubling examples in the media, among girls’ friendship groups, and in new dating experiences. Down to earth, fairly cool adults—other than parents—are key! Aunties have a noble position of being a trusted source of wisdom for their nieces.

My Favorite Reads on the topic of teenagers, body image and peers:

Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein
Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman
Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons
Real Boys by William Pollack

Tara Cousineau, PhD, is the founder of BodiMojo.com for teenagers.

Published: July 5, 2011