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When your nieces and nephews are little, the lessons they get from their favorite TV shows are pretty simple. Programs like Angelina Ballerina show great role models, inspiring your niece to dance and demonstrating how to be a good friend. Thomas the Tank Engine asks for help delivering his freight, and shows your nephew how cooperation can help solve problems.  But when your niece or nephew gets older, Auntie, the messages delivered through the TV screen aren't always so straightforward.

Television targeted toward kids ages 9-11 often take an edgy approach, in order to appeal to an age group that's starting to test boundaries, assert independence, and maybe even provoke. These shows are also competing for audience in a crowded field of TV shows, websites, cell phones, and more. But you can use these shows - from iCarly and Big Time Rush to Ben 10 and Regular Show - to help make television a useful, positive experience for your niece or nephew, and something that can be a discussion tool for you, Auntie, and reinforce good values.

If and when you can, watch along with your niece or nephews, or watch a few episodes of their favorite shows so you are familiar with them. Take advantage of the opportunity to share your opinions and ask questions. If you watch enough children’s television, you'll see certain issues come up again and again. Here are some tips for dealing with the a few of the most common issues with your niece or nephew.

Back Talk
On lots of tween shows like Good Luck Charlie and Victorious, kids talk back to adults in a way that most adults would never stand for in real life – from saying things like "shut up" to using biting sarcasm. Sure, it's meant as comedy, but it's also a great opportunity to speak up about what you think about this kind of behavior, Auntie.

Use examples from a show to discuss the importance of respect. Talk about how your niece’s or nephew’s behavior reflects back on them. Also, underscore the difference between fantasy and reality. Kids who disrespect adults in real life usually face consequences - like getting in trouble at school or home - which doesn't always happen on television.

Crushes
Tween shows are full of boy-girl relationships. Most shows targeted at this age range keep things pretty chaste, but nieces and nephews who are too young for dating pick up a lot from television, even shows targeted at their age group.

Use these TV relationships as jumping-off points to find out what kinds of messages are getting through to your niece or nephew.  For example, the concept of "cheating on someone" might not mean a lot to a 9-year-old, but there might be other things they do pick up on. Also, take the opportunity to do some reality checks. Ask your niece or nephew: "Can you imagine that ever happening with your friends?" Or: "What would you do in that situation?" Be sure to listen carefully and respectfully. They might be especially willing to open up to you, their awesome Auntie.  You never know what you'll find out...

Mean Behavior
From cliques and mean girls to name-calling and nasty tricks, your nieces and nephews are seeing their favorite characters participating in some pretty rotten behavior on television. Most tween-targeted TV shows make an effort to have a positive message shine through at the end, but sometimes these messages get overwhelmed by the negative stuff.

Share your opinion with your niece or nephew about what happens in these shows. Make it clear that bullying is an absolute no-go. And reinforce resources your niece and nephew can use if they have social problems. Talk about how a lot of the behavior on these shows is exaggerated to be funny or dramatic. Ask: "Do you know anyone who acts like that?" Or: "What would you say if someone called you a name like that?"

Keep an eye on your niece’s or nephew’s favorite shows. Don't hesitate to point out the ones out to your niece’s or nephew’s parents that push the limits beyond what you think is appropriate.

Being Yourself
At ages 9-11, your nieces and nephews are just starting to establish their individual identity. They're experimenting with clothing and make-up, slang and music. So it makes sense that TV shows about "makeovers" or changing appearances would appeal to tweens.

But while experimentation with identity is completely age appropriate, you can point out, Auntie, when a character's motivation to change is to get approval from a person or a group. You can note to your niece or nephew that trying out a new look is fine, but trying to be someone you're not isn't cool.

Lots of tween shows deal with the issue of being an outsider.  These can be great opportunities to talk about social pressures. Ask your niece or nephew: "Is there anyone at your school who really stands out? How do people treat that person?"

Body Image
Unfortunately, there's very little body type diversity in tween television. The girls on Shake It Up, for instance, are incredibly skinny, and many male stars are thin or even muscular in a way that young kids generally are not (because they are portrayed by older actors).  Rarely do we see average-looking kids or those with physical disabilities. And while, happily, there is more racial diversity on mainstream television than there used to be, it's still overwhelmingly white.
It's worth pointing out to your niece or nephew how similar everyone in most TV shows look, and how that doesn’t necessarily mesh with reality. Ask: "Who isn't represented on this TV show? What do the characters all have in common?" Talk about whether the characters on television reflect what kids look like at your niece’s or nephew’s school, or in their neighborhood.

Also, point out that while these characters are paid to act funny and happy, that doesn't mean they're like that in real life. Demi Lovato is an example of someone whose real life was vastly different from the character she played on Sonny with a Chance. She now speaks out about her eating disorder and other issues that were affecting her during her time on television.

Sex, Violence, Drinking, Smoking
Draw the line, and talk to parents, when it comes to content that's simply not age appropriate. Sure, you could use the opportunity to talk about touchy issues, but nieces and nephews who are in the 9-11 age range aren't ready for explicit sex, or gory violence. By talking to your niece or nephew about why their parents have made certain shows are off limits, you're expressing your belief system to them. They may protest, but deep inside, they might also be relieved. Kids feel a lot of pressure to act older, and you can get them off the hook -- without hurting their pride -- by discussing with their parents that certain shows should be restricted.  They’ll be impressed how “in the know” you are!

Check out some topic-specific tips here. Get help talking with your tween niece or nephew about specific issues like smoking, sex, stereotypes, and more.  You can be their best TV resource, Auntie!

Photo: imagerymajestic
Published: April 10, 2012