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Single Aunties Over 40 Are God's Gift to the World

  • 7/23/2014 12:22:22 PM

    A single Auntie is God’s Gift to the World.

    Especially is she is 40, 50 or 60+, the single Auntie you know and love was sent to you from on high. She graces the earth and your very existence, to assist with anxieties; to help with habits, good and bad; to lend a hand, an ear or a not-insignificant sum of money.

    She helps with messes, lends her dresses all with a smile that belies her own stresses.
    (She reads Dr. Seuss to you too).

    When God invented the first single aunties over 40, she knew what she was doing.
    What would you do without yours?

    40 Reasons Single Aunties Over 40 Are God’s Gift to the World

    1. We are Great Aunties, literally and figuratively, to offspring with or without biological ties. We are the fun aunties; the aunties nieces love to hang out with. Every girl needs an Aunt Beth. Even Aunt Beth.

    2. We let Big Sisters boss us around and Little Sisters pester us (except me, I was never a pest). We love them and they love us in a way only someone you shared a room with can.

    3. We are able-bodied babysitters. We can practically guarantee nobody will bleed.

    4. We have smaller carbon footprints.

    5. The PANKs work extra hours so you can go to the play or game.

    6. We volunteer. Tip: Don’t tell us to do charitable works to find/get over a man. That takes the fun out.

    7. We build communities. We get involved in projects to benefit the whole neighborhood, not just the PTA. (Not that there is anything wrong with the PTA.)

    8. We provide stability. There are 12 PANKs who live alone on my block and we are staying. The couples move when baby #2 comes along or baby #1 reaches school age.

    9. We show up. We are physically there when you need us.

    10. We are the best best friends and we can be the best friend for several, assorted cohorts.

    11. We take you out. We are the cure for bored. Fighter pilots envy our wingman skills.

    12. We leave you alone. We understand you are busy. (So are we, btw).

    13. We leave you alone. We understand when you just want to hunker down. We will still, well, #9 if you need us.

    14. We like to be left alone. We are not lonely, and we are probably less lonely than our coupled counterparts.

    15. We are “company.” Wherever we go, we add fun. Something is different, and better, as soon as we arrive.

    16. You don’t have to worry about us. Really. Please stop. Especially stop worrying about #14.

    17. We are entertaining. We have adventures, maybe in dating, maybe in traveling, maybe last Friday night. We always have a story.

    18. We are good for the local economy. We eat out. A lot.

    19. We are good for the regional economy. We buy 20% of all houses sold, and more than that in certain urban areas.

    20. We are good for the national economy. We fill our houses with art, clothing, pets and shoes. And appliances we seldom use. (Damn you, Dr. Seuss).

    21. We are good at connecting. We have more relationships and the freedom to pursue them. (So #16)!

    22. We subsidize almost everybody via taxes. On a per capita basis, we pay more than our fair share.

    23. Ditto health insurance.

    24. Ditto family, sometimes via transfer payments, or sometimes because math is weird for aunties when the bill gets divided with couples.

    25. We are proud and grateful to be able to subsidize family.

    26. We are “Danger Pal.” We leap to mind in a single bound when you want an adventure.

    27. We vote. Young chums concerned with birth control might not box with a ballot but aunties with mortgages do.

    28. We are resilient. We bounce- although it may look like a ricochet or boomerang at times.

    29. We don’t believe in princes, princesses, or fairy tales. (Except maybe Frozen, ‘cause it’s about sisters).

    30. We can keep secrets.

    31. We have great guest rooms, and are great hostesses.

    32. We are two years away from saving as much as we should for our retirement- sigh.

    33. We would rather pay for help than impose, now and after retirement.

    34. We are the first (fill in the blank), we took you to your first (fill in the blank) and/or we are the first and only person who knows (fill in the blank).

    35. We adopt dogs and OPC (Other People’s Children), legally and figuratively. Often times our nieces and nephews—including the four-legged ones.

    36. We are good, quiet neighbors, tenants and guests.

    37. Nothing shocks us. We have been there & done him. Made every mistake and an ass of ourselves in the process.

    38. We know when you want advice and when you want permission. We carefully give neither.

    39. We can conduct entire conversations that do not involve children.

    40. Single Aunties over of 40 Have Balls.


    Do you have the balls to play with yourself?

    Play with me every week! Take Care, Love You!

    Come find out how to play with yourself at http://www.singleandthesweetsideof40.com/blog/


    Beth O'Donnell often quotes Mae West: “I am single because I was born that way.” She currently resides in her native city, Philadelphia, after lengthy stays in Delaware, DC and Chicago. Beth is self-employed as a telecommunications consultant, though she also claims expertise in broken hearts and Boxer dogs. She is a Philly Sports Fan, a reluctant exerciser, a TV binger, a daughter, sister, aunt, neighbor and friend. Beth blogs at Single and the Sweet Side of 40 where she exhorts to her cohorts: Play With Yourself. You can tweet her @beth_odonnell.

Comments

9 Comments
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  • Signorina said at 11:31 pm on Oct 22 2014
    Wow! This was great to read and it's all true! Let's spread the word, Aunts who love their nieces and nephews tremendously are Angels!